


Tuskless Rescue Mission

by Tsark



Series: Tuskless Love [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, ongoing weekly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:25:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsark/pseuds/Tsark
Summary: Book Two of Tuskless Love! Starting with a bang! Literally AND figuratively.Torgan reflects on his first meeting with Sarissa, when the poop is about to hit the windmill, it's always nice to reflect on happier times first.Or; How to get a girl to marry you if you're a different species





	1. Tuskless Memories

The sun rose full and bright on the last of the traders travelling along the quiet roads.  
Many of the warriors and magic users had left with their families, leaving Torgan and his family, Jester, Beau, Caleb and Nott riding together with no more than 5 other traders who were spoiling for a real fight.  
The talk was minimal as everyone worried about what was to happen next.  
Except when Erik was there.  
He seemed to have gained a dozen new jokes, each dirtier than the last, and was having a whale of a time using them on his friends.  
Everyone but Torgan felt a little lighter for Erik’s tomfoolery. Even Sarissa managed a chuckle and patted his cheek with an “Oh you!”  
Torgan watched where he was driving and said nothing.  
Erik had lived among the traders for long enough to recognise what Fjord called “One of dad’s moods” and he left him alone as he capered.  
This was one of the only times that one might get an idea of the orcs old life. His jaw was set, his eyes glaring and every now and again he might make a snarling motion with his mouth.  
Add to that the bulging muscles that had yet to go to seed and even a young warrior would hesitate at picking a fight with him.  
Torgan anticipated a fight very soon and he didn’t like the thought of it one bit.  
It was one thing to face people on the battlefield, you just had to aim at anyone you didn’t recognise.  
When it was political intrigue like whatever this lord was planning, that was a lot harder to deal with.  
It almost made him yearn for the old days, when if you smashed a chief’s face in you were the new chief.  
No farting around with laws and legislations and rules that only made sense if you had been to university.  
Then the guilt would twinge at him. If he hadn’t agreed to leave behind the life of an orcish war leader, he’d never have been able to stay with Sarissa.  
She was the one human who had come into his life and immediately decided to stay. Not because he was a novelty or a pet, but because he was himself.  
When he was in jail, she’d sneak him extra rations to keep him from starving under the cruel sheriff’s rule.  
When he’d agreed to work off his bail, she ensured that he knew what date he was to be a free orc again and visited him in his place at the blacksmith’s when he was tired from lumbering back and forth in manacles for firewood and metal scraps.  
It made the hard work worth it when she would sit and talk to him about her plans to travel the world. The sights she wanted to see, the friends who’d agreed to come with her.  
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen the stars in a wild sky.” She would say. “I missed them for so long while I was away from all this, I want to view them from every angle possible.”  
She never elaborated on where she had been, but she was happy to talk of where she wanted to go.  
“The only thing is,” She would always add at the end. “While I’m a stealthy fighter and my friend is a wonder with the bow… We need someone strong to keep everyone moving, to help scare away any hopeful bandits.”  
Torgan had wavered then, between being needed by these weak creatures and hating them for it. To feeling wanted by this one creature in particular and not minding at all.  
His mind wandered from day to day over her words until one night it whispered dark thoughts into his head.  
“When I am out of these chains,” he had snarled quietly to her. “I will be a free orc once more. You paint a pretty picture with your fancy words, but I am not a beast for hire.”  
Sarissa had blinked her long eyelashes in surprise and moved closer to him as he lay in the straw that was his bed.  
“I never said I wanted to hire you. I said I wanted you to be with me.”  
He couldn’t deny that his heart had started to thump at those words.  
“I need someone strong to hold me up when I can’t stand.”  
Her hand slid over his bicep.  
“I need someone who can best me when I try and fight the world.”  
It moved up his arm and stroked at his cheek as he watched her face.  
“I need someone, who can hold me in his arms and make me see the heavens.”  
He closed the gap she had been steadily narrowing between them and kissed her then, gently for an orc, roughly for a human.  
She didn’t seem to mind.  
For the rest of the week he was a model citizen. Doing his back breaking work cheerfully while greeting customers, learning what he could from the smith (who was pleased to find someone interested in his work) and found that due to his good behaviour he was to be released from the manacles and allowed to spend a little time in the town unescorted.  
This led to him finding the note in his bed.  
“The Angel’s Rest, tonight. I want to see stars.”  
He didn’t need telling twice.  
Torgan spoke to the blacksmith before he left for his own bed and said that of course Torgan could take the next morning off and did he have somewhere safe to sleep tonight?  
The orc debated how much detail he wanted to go into and settled for yes, he was sure he would be very satisfied with the amount of sleep he would be getting tonight.  
At the inn, he barely needed to say a word before the bartender was handing him a key and telling him to go “Upstairs and the third door on your left. Just don’t break anything you’re not willing to pay for.”  
He had moved carefully up the stairs so as not to knock over any of those annoying jugs filled with plants people seemed to like leaving around and now stood at the door of his room for the night.  
He considered knocking, then realised that the noise would alert Sarissa that he was here and if she were changing for example, she’d have time to cover up before answering the door.  
He used the key and pushed the door open carefully, peeking his head around the edge of the door first.  
No one appeared to be inside.  
There was a double bed, which looked like a roomy single to Torgan, and a seperate room which turned out to hold a porcelain bath and toilet, both of which were a novelty to someone who considered holes in the ground to be the height of sanitation.  
He stepped back into the room and peered around, there was no one else there. There was however a piece of paper on the blanket of the bed.  
Stepping towards it, Torgan read the words “Turn around” he obeyed.  
The window was open and Sarissa was framed by her cloak and wavy hair flowing around her.  
The orc didn’t know whether to take her in his arms or take a knee and start worshipping her as a goddess.  
It didn’t help when she put a hand to her collar and untied her cloak, letting it slip from her shoulders with a whisper of cloth and then began to tug at the strings holding her tunic closed.  
“How long do we have?” She purred as she stepped towards him.  
“All night.” Torgan breathed, trying not to let his base instincts win over the knowledge that he could easily crush her small human skeleton if he wasn’t careful.  
“Wonderful.” She said, stepping so close to him that they were almost touching, then she stepped neatly around him, never once pulling away, until she had turned him completely around and he watched as she lowered herself onto the bed and lifted one booted leg to rub against his shin.  
“Help me get these off?” She asked coyly.  
Torgan didn’t need to be asked twice. He knelt down in front of her and took her lithe leg in both hands. The boots were held on with a series of buckles and he used his hands to undo each one while stealing glances up at her from time to time.  
Sarissa as leaning back a little now, watching him work with a very relaxed expression. When the boots were off he held her leg again and ran a claw gently down one of her stockings.  
“These too?” He asked as innocently as he could. Sarissa nodded.  
Moving into a slightly better position, Torgan let one hand slide up her leg close to her thigh, then used his fingers to ease the sheer fabric from her leg.  
When he did the same to the other leg, he took advantage of the moment to lean in and gently lay a kiss on her velvet soft skin.  
He didn’t know when or how he hadn’t noticed, but Sarissa had pulled her tunic up and over her head revealing that she had come to the inn with not a stitch of underwear whatsoever.  
“Well now.” She said, settling back onto the bed with a very cheerful demeanour. “I think it’s only fair you finish what you started with my leg.”  
Torgan most certainly did not need telling twice.  
He removed the itchy woolen jerkin that the locals made him wear instead of his shirt made of gnoll hide (he still didn’t understand their distaste), then he unbuckled his belt and tore it through the rings of his breeches.  
Then he stopped.  
“Are you hoping I’ll beg?” Sarissa asked, an eyebrow raised.  
“Not at all,” Torgan replied as he lowered himself to his knees again. “A lady of your beauty and talent must be treasured. I would say that means you are the type of woman who deserves to be romanced every time.”  
“Charmer-OH!”  
Sarissa’s head rolled back as Torgan lowered his head and used his tongue to flicker at her entrance. Using up and down strokes to tease her while his thumb rubbed at her lower belly.  
Sarissa gratefully pressed Torgan’s head as if urging him on. He kept on tending to her outer flesh and rubbing almost against, but not quite on the needy part of her that was practically begging for attention.  
“Mmmmmm stop teasing me you cruel man!” She moaned.  
She could feel the smirk as he grinned at her words, then he opened his mouth as wide as it would go and used his tongue to taste her deeply.  
Sarissa’s breath hitched and she bit her lip to keep from screaming in delight. Torgan now let his fingers work at the outer parts of her while his tongue lavished her with attention from the inside.  
By the time she was shaking and quivering in delight he felt ready to move things up a notch or two.  
He pulled away just enough to remove the last of his clothes and stroked a hand over Sarissa’s midriff, running his fingers gently over her smooth skin and kissing her breasts one after the other as he leaned over her.  
Sarissa held his hand over her heart where he could feel her pulse pounding as she whispered his name.  
Torgan leaned over her and stared deeply into her eyes as he positioned himself at her entrance. A hint of mischief kept him just waiting, teasing her with his thick rod as she mewled a “Please” up at him.  
He leaned down for a kiss and deepened it as he thrust slowly forwards into her warm folds.  
Sarissa breathed a grateful sigh into his mouth as he pushed, filling her completely. Torgan rumbled in happy reply as he found himself fully sheathed and started to pull away, then rock forwards. Picking up an easy rhythm for the two of them.  
They dissolved into hot and heavy kisses, breaking contact every now and again to gaze into each other’s eyes as they moved together.  
When Sarissa wrapped her ankles around Torgan’s waist and urged him into a faster pace, not a word was spoken. They moved and breathed as one being, pushing each other on to every heightened moment as they felt their desire rising swiftly.  
Sarissa wound her fingers into Torgan’s hair and clasped herself close against his skin as he pistoned his hips against her over and over again, waves of ecstasy starting to break upon her. She was gasping his name and whispering “Yes” over and over again as he panted and gripped the bed, making the wood creak underneath him.  
Just as Sarissa thought she would start to break herself, she felt her body shudder and tighten and suddenly her mind was gone, head thrown back as a gasp of pure delight and wonder escaped her.  
Torgan leaned forward, still pushing into her and kissed her neck tenderly in every place he could reach as he thrust hard into her, finding his own wondrous release as he inhaled her scent. Ears filled with her pleasure filled moans.  
He let his body rock against her a few more times before his strength faded, feeling the little delicious movements inside of her as he thoroughly finished what he’d started.  
Soon enough they were both fully spent. Torgan pulled away and stood up, revelling in the sight of Sarissa lying naked on the bed.  
She pulled herself together enough to shimmy up the bed, pull back the blankets and settle her head on the further pillow.  
She smiled up at him from her relaxed position and held out her arms towards him. “Come here darling.”  
Marvelling at his good fortune, Torgan immediately moved forward and slid into bed with her, wrapping his huge arms around her and holding her close against his chest.  
“I knew the moment I saw you that you’d be someone amazing.” She said, lovingly stroking his face with her fingertips. “Now I know for sure.”  
“I’ve never met anyone like you. No one ever looked at me and saw a person, no human woman ever looked at me and saw a man. To be fair half the orc women didn’t either, but I can’t be held responsible for that. You’d have to blame my parents for my face.”  
Sarissa snorted and buried her face in his chest as she laughed.  
“You’ve given me such respect and kindness,” he continued, stroking her hair. “It’s like I could tell you anything.”  
“Tell me how you got this scar.” She said, running a finger along some rough skin over his shoulder in three long slashes.  
“That was a chimera. I was with some friends who wanted to try raiding its nest. None of them stopped to think what would happen if the nest weren’t empty.”  
“Was the mother there when you walked in?”  
“No, she came in as we just finished fighting off the juvenile we disturbed. She knocked down my best friend and would have bitten his throat out if hadn’t shoved him out of the way. She slashed me nearly to my lungs for the trouble and I was bedridden for weeks afterwards. I nearly died saving him.”  
“I hope he was grateful.”  
“You would think so, he stole my girlfriend while I was out of it with a fever though, so I don’t know how grateful he could have been.”  
Sarissa giggled again.  
“What’s this one from?” He asked in return, fingertip trailing gently across her neck where she had a small scar of her own in a ragged line. If she hadn’t been naked and the room lit, he would never have seen it.  
Almost immediately, she stiffened and stopped nuzzling him. “I don’t want to talk about it. Could we just get some sleep now?”  
Concerned at the directional change, Torgan did as she asked and turned off the lamp sitting of the sideboard, loosely holding her until she relaxed again and let him pull her close once more.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered into the darkness.  
“It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”  
“I know now… is there anything I can do for you?”  
“No, I’ve had plenty from you…. I might ask for more of the same later if that’s alright with you?”  
“Of course! May I ask something of you for later as well?”  
“Certainly, what is it?”  
“Marry me?”  
Sarissa stiffened again, this time in surprise.  
“You barely know me!”  
“I know how you make me feel, I know I make you feel happy in some way or you wouldn’t be here now.”  
“We’re different species.”  
“So are elves and humans and they get along fine.”  
“Where would we live? What would we do to support ourselves?”  
“I’ll learn a trade, we can use your skills too I’m sure. We’ll live wherever you please, we’ll live everywhere all at once if that’s what you’d like. I want to make you happy, even if you say no I could die to see your smile.”  
“Flatterer. I need more time to decide, we haven’t even been on a proper date yet. I like to be courted.”  
“Marry me and I’ll court you every day and show you heaven every night.”  
Sarissa laughed happily at that, then pushed him onto his back and straddled him in a sitting position.  
“Hmmm, you think that was heaven?” She purred, stroking his body with her nails. “I think you could take me to new heights before I make up my mind.”  
That was the night Torgan proved himself an impeccable negotiator.  
It was barely two months before they stood before a cleric and vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, Fjord a mere twinkle in their eyes who would make an appearance eight months later. 

Torgan eyed his son, now grown, and hoped he would get to see the results of his romance with the young woman they’d picked up. He knew that starry eyed look very well and was already thinking of her as his daughter in law.  
It made the next move even harder.  
Torgan pulled the horses to a halt and stopped the remainder of the caravan a few short miles to the next town.  
“Fjord, a word if you will. Sarissa could you…?”  
“Already on it love.” The rogue leapt down and went to uncouple potato wagon from the others and put a fresh horse in place with it. The entire time she did so, she avoided her son’s eyes.  
“Dad? What’s up?” Fjord asked, recognising the serious tone his father used during crises.  
“You’re a big man now son, so I’m going to talk to you straight. We’re up against some mean people who won’t hesitate to kill us all to get what they want. What they want is that poor girl.”  
“I know dad but I’m not leaving her to deal with this alone. She needs friends and I can-”  
“I agree.”  
“.....huh?”  
“You can keep her safe and you can get her somewhere that fucker can’t find her. But you can’t do it with a family in tow.”  
“No dad, what are you talking about?”  
“Your mother and I will go on ahead with the others. You and Erik take the girls and those two your mother hired along with you. We’ll keep moving and make a big presence along the usual trade route. You know what the route is don’t you boy?”  
“I do dad, I know.”  
“Then know this too son, I see any of you on that route I will tan your hide and drag you somewhere safe myself. I do not want you taking your group anywhere that you think Lord Drylund might look. You take new names and you take the utmost care. Do you hear me son?”  
“Yes dad. I hear you.”  
“Last rule, you don’t look for us or ask after us until you’re ALL safe.”  
“You can’t ask me to-”  
“Do NOT answer me back boy! If I need to knock you on your ass and have Erik lead you all out of here I will. This is much bigger than you realise. It might not even be something everyone can get out of unscathed, but that is not your concern, it’s mine. I will do everything in my power to make sure your mother and the rest of our family are safe. Can I trust you to do the same for that girl and your friends?”  
“Dad I-”  
“Answer the question Fjord, this is not the time to get sentimental.”  
“...Yes. You can trust me to keep them safe.”  
“Good man. Now c’mere.” Torgan wrapped his son in an all enveloping hug of the kind he hadn’t given him since he was a toddler.  
Fjord fought the feeling that he might never see his parents again and squeezed back as best he could.  
“Alright.” Torgan said as he pulled back. “Give us a little time to get ahead of you, then go through the woods and the mountain roads. There’ll be more chance of bandits but you’re less likely to be spotted by anyone who knows you. I know you can all take care of yourselves so look out for each other. And come back safe to us.”  
“Yes sir. I promise.”  
Torgan nodded and called out the signal for the wagons to move. Sarissa took his place by Fjord as her husband left to take up the reins again.  
“Take this sweetheart,” she said, handing Fjord an oddly stitched bag. “It’ll hold almost anything you need. Just think of it and you can pull it out again even if the bag looks empty. There’s a couple of daggers in there, as well as some gold to keep you all going and… and your father put his bow in there for you. Oh my boy!”  
With a sob, Sarissa pulled her son close and pressed him to her. “Be safe sweetheart, I want to see you and Erik after all this joking about my grandchildren.”  
“Ma, that’s a long way yet.”  
“Well best you start walking then.” So saying, Sarissa kissed Fjord’s forehead, did the same to Erik who was nearby studying leaves as though they were suddenly very interesting indeed, then leapt onto the last wagon to pass them by.  
She stood on the foot rail and watched her son and his small band of friends until they were gone from her sight.  
Only once they were out of view, did she let the first of her tears start to fall.


	2. Tuskless dance off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't love a trope? I know I do! So does Dill, so it ended up here.
> 
> Also, teeny tiny dance off because I don't see why Caleb wouldn't want to have a prestigidation contest with other magic users. Erik would be the one who'd suggest a dance off because DANCE!

Fjord and Erik watched the last of their family leave over the next hill on their way to the next town.   
This would be the first time that the pair of them had been so completely separated from the others.   
Beau and Jester went to use the bushes while Nott and Caleb sat on a nearby rock and kept watch for any passersby. As Fjord turned, he realised that the expectant look on the two drifters’ faces meant they were waiting for him to give the next plan of action.   
Fjord had never felt so pressured in his life.   
“Maybe we should make our way towards a specific place, you know?” He suggested. “In case anyone has any idea of where we could all hide out till we can figure out our next move.”  
“We are good to go wherever.” Caleb said. “Nott and I can get around most places.”  
“And we’re only really in this for the gold.” Nott added.  
Fjord ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “That just leaves the girls, unless you have any opinions on where we go Erik?”  
“You know me buddy, where you lead I follow. Even if it is mostly to save your ass from danger.”  
Fjord grinned at that. “Well, I’ll go see what Beau and Jester want to do, you three see if you can work out how our resources are looking. Hopefully we can refill on berries and stuff if we go through the forest.”  
The half orc pushed through the bushes to try and find the last two members of their party.   
He was almost out of earshot of the others by the time he heard Beau and Jester talking. One of them seemed to have the hiccups.   
“A good scare is the best cure for that!” Fjord thought to himself mischievously as he dropped down and stalked his way towards the girls.   
Sneaking through the bushes, he moved a little at a time until he was one good leap away. He bunched his muscles ready for launch, then stopped as he heard what was being said.   
“I just want to go home, Beau.” The hiccuping noise was the last of Jester’s sobs as she cried into her friend’s arms. “I’m so angry and tired that these horrible men just want to use me this whole trip! I had so many hopes for what this would mean and people have been just horrible!”  
“I know Jester, it sucks. But hey, we got some good friends to get you home all the sooner right?”  
Jester sniffled. “I still want to go home now. Nothing is worth the trouble this has been. I should never have bothered to come at all.”  
Fjord carefully retraced his steps back to the edge of the forest. He took a moment to steady his breathing and try to swallow the lump of iron that seemed to have settled in his throat.  
The last thing he’d ever wanted was to cause upset to anyone, especially not Jester. She’d said she wanted to be with him that night in the wagon, had she been lying to fool him into easing her worries for the night, or was he just the least terrible of a bunch of awful options?   
Suddenly Fjord felt very foolish.   
His face flushed and he growled at his own foolishness. Of course she hadn’t felt anything real for him. He may as well have been a toy for her amusement.   
Closing his eyes he breathed until he felt his pulse slowing and the heavy feeling started to turn to ice.   
She wanted to get out of here? Well fine. That was the mission. He would be damned if he wouldn’t follow through with what he’d promised.   
Returning back to where he saw the other two, Fjord made sure to step on every twig as he called their names so that by the time he reached the clearing, Jester was clean faced and smiling again while Beau was calmly practicing some kind of monk style fighting moves.   
A part of him wanted to ask her to teach him sometime, but another part wanted to close itself off from both of them.  
“We’re ready to start heading out, we just need to decide where we’re aiming to get to.”  
“How about somewhere with ships?” Beau mused. “If we can get Jester on a boat home she can get hold of her mother and just bring the cavalry round if we’re still having trouble with Lord Buttstain.”  
“Alright, let’s all get back to the others and we can make a plan.” So saying, Fjord turned on his heel and strode off before he could catch Jester’s eye and feel hurt all over again.   
The three emerged from the bushes to Erik and Caleb having a sort of contest with tiny figures appearing from their hands. The two humanoid creatures appeared to be having a dance off while Nott watched and passed judgement.   
“I really do think that Caleb should win for the design of his character, but you must admit that Erik’s guy has some great moves!”  
“I still think that I was being set up, dancing against a bard seems like a good way to lose the shirt off your back.”  
Caleb clenched his fist as he spoke, his dancer disappearing in a puff of smoke.   
“At least you’re not a sore loser.” Erik replied as his dancer span on it’s head, posed sexily, blew a kiss and poofed out of existence in a burst of multi colored sparkles.   
“I do like having someone else dancing so I do not have to fight.” Caleb mused. “It saves a lot of trouble and healing potions.”  
“Once Caleb was really hurt after we’d escaped from this prison.” Nott added. “We didn’t have anything on us, so I had to break into a shop and grab whatever bottles I could find. It turned out only one was a healing potion. The other two were fire breathing and something that changed your skin colour. Poor Caleb had to hide his purple face for a whole week before it wore off.”  
“I bet you looked gorgeous!” Erik declared, winking at Caleb.   
The human scowled back at him. “We shall never know because it is not an experience I am willing to go through again!”  
“Well hopefully the worst you’ll have to endure is helping us secure a boat.” Fjord crossed his arms in what he hoped was a take-charge gesture as the girls emerged from the woods behind him. “We get to somewhere on the coast, we can put Jester on a ship back to her home. The rest of us can just hole up somewhere Lord Drylund can’t find us and wait for the storm to pass over us. Anyone got thoughts on where to go from here?”  
“We went through this place a while back. I’m pretty sure the river leads somewhere.” Nott suggested helpfully.   
“Indeed,” Caleb agreed. “We went through a place called Waterdeep where there were a few easy pickings for ones such as us. There was also a number of sailors on shore leave who had come from all over the place. One of them could get her most if not all the way home.”  
“They might even do it for free if we show a little leg. Heck, even the girls could try it!” Erik said with a grin and a wink to Jester and Beau.   
The giggles stopped immediately as Fjord glared at his friend and snapped “Knock it off Erik, this is serious. We need to get the problem out from under us as soon as possible or everyone’s in danger.”  
“Easy dude,” Beau said from behind him. “He was just joking.”   
Fjord did not want to see Jester’s face, but he had to be clear about what was at stake here. He turned and she looked as though he’d just slapped her.   
A mean, bitter voice inside him muttered, “Good. About time she realised this isn’t a game we’ve all been playing here.”  
“There are real lives at stake here.” He said aloud. “There’s no more time for fun and games because the second we think we’re safe playing tea parties your ex fiancee is gonna have us hung, drawn and quartered if we’re lucky.”  
Everyone was silent at this. Caleb and Nott were watching Fjord with vague interest, waiting to see how this change of attitude would change the dynamics of the group. Erik was watching him with a puzzled air, knowing that something was off about his friend but not yet what. Beau was focused on him like a laser, anger smouldering in the back of her gaze.   
Jester herself, was looking at the ground. Her body slumped as she let the guilt of what had happened start to overwhelm her again. Her hands held each other in one of her sleeves but Fjord could just see a trembling of the cloth where her hands were shaking.   
He wished he hadn’t.   
But there wasn’t time for coddling. They had to be strong and put aside whatever hurts they had to ensure no one else was pulled into this nonsense.   
“We’ll travel along the river.” He continued. “I’ll be going on ahead to scout out danger and make sure there are no surprises up ahead. Jester and Beau will travel in the wagon with either Nott or Caleb, whoever had the best illusion spells that day. Anything goes down, you get them hidden from sight. Erik, you’ll be in charge of the wagon itself. You know what you’re doing with it. I want your crossbow ready to go at all times and Caleb, Nott, one of you sit next to him ready to shoot anyone or anything that tries to attack. We’ll gather whatever supplies we can find on the road as we go, we’ll be avoiding settlements so nobody start getting picky about lunch. Everyone understand?”  
There were murmurs and nods of assent from around him.   
“Alright. Take care of any last bits of business, grab what you can from around if you know it’s safe or useful and we need to be gone in ten minutes understand? Now hustle!”  
Fjord clapped his hands and the others started to move. The girls immediately started to pack the last of the items that had been left for them into the wagon. Caleb grabbed Nott and headed to the nearest bushes, instructing her on what types of leaves he wanted to be sure of gathering before they left.   
Erik reached out and pulled Fjord as far from the girls as he could without it looking suspicious.   
“Hey man, I know you always wanted to go ‘Lord Taryon’ on an adventure of our own but don’t you think you were a little harsh there?”  
“Yeah well, she needs to know that there’s pretty real consequences to this kind of situation. I don’t want to see anyone else getting hurt because we decided to help her out.”  
“I’m pretty sure she realised this wasn’t a game when she had a knife in her face back at Yartar. You’ve done a complete turnaround with this whole thing, are you seriously ok?”  
“Yeah I…” Fjord looked away a moment. Erik had known him for way too long.   
“I don’t want to talk about it where we might be overheard, alright?”  
Erik gave him one more long, searching look.   
“Well, ok. But when we have a stretch of land that looks safe enough I’m flying beside you for a while and you are going to tell me exactly what happened. Alright?”  
“Maybe. Let’s concentrate on getting far enough to feel safe first though.”  
Erik clapped his friend on the shoulder and wandered back to the wagon, checking the tack for the horse before moving on to an inspection of the wagon.   
Fjord untied Stormhoof and sighed into the horse’s mane.   
“I bet you never had girl problems in your life huh boy?”   
Stormhoof snorted wetly onto his tunic, then snuffled at his pockets for a treat. 

Really? You’re going for the ‘couple has a misunderstanding’ trope?

Sure! It’s worked great in the past, especially in ‘Demons of Desire’ and ‘To the Spine of the World and Back’, why not use it here?

But they’re so in love already! Why not let them just be together like Sarissa and Torgan?

Because that was THEIR story, this is a whole new story and love that comes at a price is always more appreciated. This way, when they have their happy ever after the readers won’t be wondering how they avoid so many arguments.

Well I mean, not EVERYONE argues. I like to think you and I had our happily ever-

You argued with me yesterday about how much pepper should go into a shepherd’s pie.

……….leave the trope in.


	3. Tuskless Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're fighting with your maybe-possibly-girlfriend and her ex fiance is trying to have you, her and half your family killed, it always helps to have a nice talk with your friends.

The river turned out to be just as wet as advertised.   
Stormhoof and the wagon horse (named Bathroom by Nott) were both irritable after constantly wading through mud.   
The mood of the party also seemed to have lowered considerably.   
Jester and Fjord weren’t talking because Fjord kept as far away from her as he could at every moment.   
Beau wasn’t talking to Fjord or Erik because she was spending most of her time trying to keep Jester’s spirits up.  
Erik was talking to Fjord, Caleb and Nott. He would have talked to the girls too but they stayed locked away in potato wagon.   
It left everyone’s nerves a little frayed but Fjord was adamant that they should take the utmost care on their journey.  
That meant no loud talking, no laughing and certainly no talking to strangers. He snapped at Nott once and Caleb threatened to give him a bed filled with cat hair if he wanted to start something.   
That was when Erik decided to step in.  
Fjord was scouting ahead of the wagon, even though the worst that surrounded them here were plains and the occasional songbird ruthlessly murdering a worm or two.   
“So, why aren’t you all over Jester, writing her love ballads and bringing her gold trinkets?”  
Fjord frowned at Erik. “What is going on in your head Erik?”  
“What’s going on in yours? You were all over that girl and now you’re acting like we’re transporting her to some kind of plague commune. What happened? Is it because we left the caravan?”  
“No that’s not…” Fjord broke off to look round at Nott and Caleb riding the wagon.  
“Look if I tell you I don’t want you ‘helping’ by getting in the middle of this whole mess alright?”  
Erik lowered himself to the ground and walked beside Stormhoof, who was pulled from a trot to a respectful walk.  
“I went to find Jester and Beau when we stopped to say goodbye.” He continued. “The girls were in the bushes and Jester was crying all upset. She said that the only thing that had happened on her journey here is creepy guys were trying to mess her around.”  
“Well, I mean with Lord StinkyDoodie yeah. She kind of has a point but I don’t see how she would have meant you too.”  
“Oh come on Erik look at me! I am not the dashing young prince off to rescue young ladies from dragons, I’m the best you get at short notice. Either she doesn’t see me as a viable option or that night was one hell of a mistake and she’s just not telling me. How am I supposed to know which it is?”  
“Hey, Fjord hold on now, did she say this to you or…?”  
“She was talking to Beau but… Erik she told her that she wanted out of here as soon as possible. She is done with this whole continent at this point. That includes me, so tell me how my trying to be part of her life would do her any good?”  
For once in his entire life, Erik was at a loss for words.   
“I don’t know bro. I guess… all you can do is-”  
“Get her home. I can pretend it doesn’t hurt to know she just wanted a one night stand despite all she was talking afterwards but… but I can't pretend it wouldn’t be easier just to get her home and let her get on with her life.”  
“Fjord… You can talk to her, maybe she doesn’t... or she still…”  
“And if she does? How can she go home if she’s stuck here tending to my bruised ego?”  
Erik knew better than to argue with his friend any further.   
“Ok. If you think staying away is the best thing for you, then you do that. But can I please ask that you be just a little nicer? She’s had it rough too and making this whole thing harder than it needs to be will just hurt you too.”  
Fjord huffed. “Fine. I’ll try and cool it down a little. I just, I really don’t want to get tangled up any more than we already are. If this is as far as things go then I’d rather just count anything between us as over already so I can concentrate on getting her somewhere safe and getting you and me home.”  
“Well that might be difficult to do once Beau’s done with you.”  
“What the hell is Beau expecting to do to me?”  
“She can probably tell you, here she comes now.”  
Fjord leapt off of Stormhoof and looked back to see her approach.   
“Good luck man!” Erik said before taking to the air again.   
Beau stalked towards Fjord with a carefully neutral expression on her face.   
Unfortunately for Fjord it leaned towards neutral evil.  
“Hey.” She said as she got close. It had the same ring to it as “Make your peace with the gods, you’re about to meet them!”  
“Hey yourself, how come you left Jester on her own?”  
“Nott and Caleb are close by, she’ll be fine on her own for a few minutes. Why are you avoiding her?”  
“I haven’t avoided Nott at all. I’ve checked in every day.”  
“You know who I mean, don’t be a dick. You haven’t even looked inside that damn wagon once since we started walking. What gives?”  
“What do you mean what gives? I’ve been scouting! For all of us!”  
“Bullshit, you’ve avoided us since the separation. Jester won’t even leave the wagon for meals right now, she thinks that she’s messed up everyone’s lives all at once.”  
“Well what do you want me to do? Tell her it’s fine that she’s picked out the one guy to marry who’s going to screw over as many people as possible to get what he wants?”  
“That’s not fair and you know it!”  
“Life ain’t fair either, or so I heard.”  
“So you’re just going to keep treating her like all of this is her fault the whole trip?”  
“I don’t think this is all her fault!”  
“Then why are you punishing her?”  
“I’m not trying to punish her I’m… look it’s complicated alright? She’s not the only one here who’s upset about how things have ended up.”  
Beau sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I get that you miss your family and this is a bitch of a situation. But that’s not Jester’s fault and you avoiding her makes her think that you blame her. I’m not asking you to snuggle up and sing sonnets with her but you could at least talk to her.”  
“If I do that, will you both just let me do my job? We’re never gonna get to Waterdeep if we’re stopping every two minutes to have a therapy session.”  
“Yeah well do a good job of this one and you can sulk out here as long as you want. I’ll even cover for you. Gimme your pony.”  
Fjord handed the reins over with a grumble. “He’s a horse not a pony… and I WASN’T sulking.”  
“Then you should become a bard since you did such a great impression of it.”   
Fjord couldn’t think of a witty retort and stomped towards potato wagon.   
Nott and Caleb were settled on the seat as they drove Bathroom and very certainly did not look at Fjord.   
Erik was lying on his back, strumming at a lute as he hummed into the sky and also made certain not to look at his half orc companion.   
With a sigh at all the fuss this was causing, Fjord decided to at least make an effort to smooth things over for now.   
He could do that much, he was a grown man now after all.   
And there was no reason he couldn’t keep his feelings in check.  
Right?  
Right!  
He reached out and opened the door to the wagon.


	4. Tuskless Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord tries to make things better, but because he sucks at communication and being honest about what's bothering him.... things do not go well.   
> This chapter has been brought to you by Cliffhangers Inc!

When he stepped inside, his eyes adjusted to the gloom and he saw a bundled shape in the corner, curled on a pile of hay.   
Just as his brain registered the shape as Jester, she turned her face towards the open door and leapt up with a surprised cry of “Fjord!”  
“Uhh..” Fjord started to say as Jester seemed to realise how she looked after a week of not brushing her hair and laying amongst some questionable hay bales during the long ride.   
She swept her hands down her skirts and chased away a few dust bunnies she’d collected, then scratched her nails through her hair quickly before becoming self conscious and stopping with as nonchalant a look as she could manage. “What are you doing here?” She asked, trying to look uninterested in the answer.   
“Well I… um, I thought it might be a good idea if I came to see if you… I mean… I just wanted to ask if you knew, how to get a message to your mother safely when we get to Waterdeep.”  
Jester seemed to deflate a little. “Oh. That’s all you needed to know?”  
“Ye- no… I mean, aw hell. Look I don’t want to make any of this any harder than it needs to be. There’s a lot of dangerous folks out there and most of them are pointing their weapons at us so.. so if I seem like I’m being a little gruff with anyone it’s just to keep us all safe. Not because I’m mad at you in particular. I just… don’t want to see anyone hurt. Alright?”  
Jester’s face seemed to light up, as though a cloud was starting to pass through the sky when it had previously hidden the sun.  
“You were trying to protect us all?” She asked. “You aren’t mad at me for nearly marrying Lord Drylund.”  
“I couldn’t be mad at you for that.” Fjord replied, barely lying at all. “You didn’t have any way of knowing that he was an evil piece of manticore turd, no one would be mad at you for making a bad decision any more than they could be mad at themselves for the same thing.”  
Jester allowed a brief smile to lift the corners of her mouth. “You really don’t blame me?”  
“Well not for that no…” Fjord trailed off, not wanting to go into detail about why he’d been avoiding her but at the same time half hoping that she would somehow guess his feelings and try to make up with him again.   
In her joy, Jester stepped forward suddenly to give her half orc friend a hug.  
Fjord, not feeling particularly friendly right now, stepped away with a defensive air.   
Jester stopped immediately and looked up at him with confusion and hurt in her eyes.  
“What’s wrong?” She asked quietly.  
“What do you mean what’s wrong?”  
“You don’t even want to look at me, something has to be wrong. You already said you don’t blame me so why are you avoiding me like this?”  
“I’m not.. I just… look I know this is a difficult time for you but I’m doing the best I can to make it easier on you.”  
“I know that Fjord I just-”  
“The last thing either of us needs is you using me like some kind of plaything when you’re feeling a little down. We’ve all got stuff to deal with during this whole thing but you don’t see anyone else grabbing at me!”  
“I wasn’t grabbing at you! And what do you mean a plaything? Is that how you think I see you?”  
“Yeah well you seemed happy to spend a little playtime with me when it was convenient for you. Now everything’s blown up in your face I’m afraid I’m a little too busy cleaning up the mess to have a tea party with you!”  
“Fjord that’s a horrible thing to say!”  
“Oh and you always know what to say? Always mean every word huh?”  
“What are you even getting at? You sound ridiculous!”  
“Well excuse me for not worrying about your dress, or your hair or…. Or your… pet weasel!”  
“I don’t HAVE a pet weasel, I don’t even understand what the hell you’re saying but you’re being an absolute butt head!”  
“Am I? Well I’d better not force my presence on you any longer, M’lady!”  
Fjord gave an ironic bow and spun on his heel. He wrenched the door open and stomped towards Stormhoof, but not before slamming the wagon door closed again with an almighty thud.   
He had just passed the very-interested-in-the-sky-suddenly Nott and Caleb when he heard the door open again.  
“And before you go thinking you’ve won this argument,” Jester’s voice screeched. “You weren’t even the best I’ve had by at LEAST five guys!”   
The door slammed again and Fjord felt like he’d taken a knuckle sandwich to the gut.  
But he kept walking.   
Beau silently handed him the reins and as he mounted and started to walk back to her friend.   
She had almost passed him when he heard the muttered word under her breath.  
“Smooth.”  
He ground his teeth and kicked Stormhoof into a trot. Hoping that there might be bandits up ahead he could smash into the ground. 

There were no bandits and the wagon’s progress continued on smoothly.  
Jester and Fjord’s fight hadn’t resolved anything, but it did result in the tiefling coming to life a little more.  
Mostly to torture Fjord as revenge for him getting so angry at her but as Beau said, “At least it’s getting her moving around again.”  
The moving around including somehow getting access to all of his meals and filling half of them with worms and the other half with candies (Of which, she seemed to have an unlimited supply).  
She had also learned how to make a second version of herself and would wait until Fjord had called an all clear for the area ahead, then have her duplicate jump out and try to scare him.   
She also used Thaumaturgy to make occasional sound of a mosquito buzzing right next to his ear that always had him slapping at the air around him until he realised who it was.   
They would arrive at Waterdeep the very next day and Erik was joining Fjord for dinner while the girls ate in the wagon and the two magic users ventured into the woods for spell ingredients.  
“I don’t suppose you could have a word with the ladies about maintaining some level of professionalism during a rescue mission?” Fjord asked as he shooed away the large frog that had been sitting in the middle of his soup.   
“No way buddy,” Erik said with his mouth full of amphibian-less food. “You were the one who yelled at her for talking about you when she thought you weren’t listening. You’re old enough to know by now that eavesdropping gets you nowhere.”  
“Nowhere would be preferable to friendship purgatory.”  
“Friend… Fjord, are you mad at this girl because you were hoping to be friends with her?”  
“Well yeah, I didn’t want us to be all mad at each other like this it just-”  
“No no no, hold on a minute. You think that you can get this mad over a possible friendship being over?”  
“What are you getting at Erik? I’ve got myself into this situation I agree but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t hoping for us all to leave on good terms at the end of this. I never wanted to fight with them and I guess I was hoping that we might have some long term friendships out of this venture.”  
“....You’re an idiot.”  
Fjord spluttered on his frog soup. “Excuse you?”  
“You honestly don’t even get it yet do you? You spend the night with Jester, which the WHOLE caravan heard by the way so don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy that, you waded through sewers to help get her back to your family safe and now you’re leading the expedition to return her to her own home, DESPITE the fact that you two aren’t even talking right now… and you are telling me that you’re doing all of this because you don’t want to lose a possible pen pal?”  
“Ok first off you’re oversimplifying everything, second of all you have friends and love-buddies all over Faerun. You don’t get to be mad at me for looking for a friend of my own just because they aren’t you.”  
“Gods you are thick headed, I’m going to make allowances for you right now. I don’t think you could survive Jester and I both kicking your ass, so I will give you one more damn chance to use your head for something other than fighting. Why are you going through so much trouble for this one girl?”  
“Becau-”  
“Ah ah ah ah! No no! Not one word while you’re all mad and stuff. You sit there and you think about it good and hard. I don’t want to hear a PEEP out of you until then! See? I’m not even laughing at ‘good and hard’, that’s how serious I am right now. You can consider yourself banished from all smart people who actually think until you’ve stopped lying to yourself.”  
So saying, Erik picked up his bowl and flew straight upwards into the air.  
Fjord watched his friend leave with a perplexed expression.   
A small croak at his knee made him look down at the still soup scented frog watching him.   
“Don’t ask me.” He told it. “Apparently I’m only good for fighting.”  
The frog gave him a look, then turned carefully around and hopped off into the river.   
“Yeah you and everyone else.” The half orc grumbled.

The tense atmosphere remained all the way to the outskirts of Waterdeep. The walls here didn’t look as high or anywhere near as ominous as those in Yartar, but there was more activity in the gates.   
“What are they doing?” Beau asked as she, Fjord and Caleb peered around the crowd of people waiting to get in.   
Caleb narrowed his eyes as a person holding a large haversack was led to a side table. The official looking man sat there asked something of the bag holder.   
The holder shook his head and turned the bag over, shaking it.   
The official held what looked like a magnifying glass up to his eye and shook his head to the two guards nearby.   
Whatever he had originally asked was asked again, this time with a pair of swords pointed at the owner.   
The man seemed to realise what was at stake and dutifully turned the bag inside out, spilling a ridiculous number of things onto the table in front of the official man, who sagged a little before waving over someone else to begin sorting through the objects in front of him.   
“This could be very bad.” Caleb muttered to the others. “They are checking for magical items. They would notice any illusions Nott or I might make and then we may be in trouble.”  
“We’re already in trouble if we can’t get Jester in there unnoticed.” Beau said, biting her lip. “All it would take is one of Lord Drylund’s cronies to spot her and we’re all in for a world of hurt.”  
“So we can’t use magic to hide her if we wanna get in there?” Fjord mused, rubbing at his chin as he tried to hide his mouth’s movements from anyone watching them.   
“Anything I or Nott do to try and hide Jester will be spotted as soon as we get close to those tables.” Caleb confirmed.   
“Alright.” Fjord said decisively. “Then we do this the old fashioned way.”  
“What’s the old fashioned way?”  
“Erik breaks out his old disguise kit and we see if he still has as much skill as he makes out.”

Half an hour later the group was ready to go in.   
Fjord went first, allowing the guards to check his sword, his armour and his bag of holding to ensure nothing untoward was on his person.   
Beau was next, handing over her staff with no qualms for a relatively swift inspection.  
Then came Erik and Nott. “We’re just looking for this poor halfling girl’s parents.” Erik said with a wistful expression. “We’re hoping they’ve come this way and we can reunite the family after six years of separation!”   
The official looking man listened to Erik’s story with a blank expression. Then he looked down at the hooded and masked Nott. He leaned forward at his table and looked closer, eyes narrowing.   
“Is that a-”  
Erik grasped the official’s hand and shook it vigorously. “You’ve noticed! Why yes sir she DOES have a lovely face! I keep telling her but she’s so shy!”  
Anyone watching the official’s hand VERY closely would have seen something shiny sat in his palm, something that disappeared into his pocket with astonishing speed.  
“Yes I can see that.” The official said with a calculating smile. “The young folk do tend to hide themselves away… quietly.”  
The last word seemed almost like an order directed towards Nott, who pulled her hood a little further over her head, muttered something into her mask and followed Erik quickly as he strode into the city.   
Last to come was a wagon, pulled by one horse and leading another. Sat on the seat were two figures.   
A scruffy, middle aged man was holding the reins and politely pulling the lead horse to a stop.   
The other person was a tiefling.   
Bright pink, with an almost straw like nest of hair on her head and dressed in what was most certainly a peasant dress.   
It looked like a dress that you would only wear if you had no other choice, or wanted to show everyone that yes, the person wearing this was most definitely a peasant and nothing more.  
“Guten abend to you gentlemen.” The man said as he pulled the reins to a stop. “I apologise for the large wagon but my wife and I are hoping to buy some supplies for our farm.”  
“Oh a farmer are you?” The official said, seeming suddenly interested. “I always thought I’d like a little steading of my own to tend to. Is it hard to get started?”  
“Not all all, it’s just a matter of finding the er, the right soil. Yes you want to find somewhere that has less stones and more…. brown parts and you want to look out for a lot of useful plants nearby like, um, mint and blackberry and such things.”  
“Well I shall remember that… oh dear is your wife alright? She’s spluttering a little.”  
“We just ate before we came here, she might have caught a crumb or something in her throat. Do excuse her, but if I may inquire, why is there so much security around here all of a sudden? Waterdeep was never so carefully monitored before.”  
“Ah, we never before had a visitor as prestigious as the one we are due to welcome today.”  
“A visitor? Oh how exciting. Who might this wondrous person be?”  
“None other than the fabled Ruby of the Sea herself, here to discuss diplomatic matters with… I say, are you sure your wife is alright?”


	5. Tuskless Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact; this chapter was written in pretty much one day after an entire week's worth of 5am starts at work. They have not been fun.   
> I really wanted a lot more to happen in this chapter, but the time constraints held me back so have a dialogue heavy chapter for now and know that I will be adding a new character VERY soon. And no, I don't mean Marion.  
> Thank you for your patience with me and for continuing to read this nonsense. It's much appreciated!

Waterdeep was a large city. It was a city where a lot of people came to work and make names for themselves and raise families, so it was also a bustling city.  
The group entered the city via the Trades Ward and met up on the other side of the gates. There, Caleb leapt from the cart and handed the reins to Erik as he grabbed Fjord’s arm.   
“I think you need to be aware of this, your girlfriend had a moment back there.”  
“She’s not my girlfriend! Is she ok?”  
“I believe so but she was a bit shocked when they mentioned the Ruby of the Sea was here. Does this name mean anything to you?”  
Fjord felt his face tighten a little in surprise. “That’s her mom!”  
“Really? Her mother is someone famous then?”  
“I’ve heard stories, I think she’s a courtesan but very high profile. Kind of an elite clientele you know?”  
“I see. So if we were to return her daughter to her, you think there may be some sort of a reward for doing so?”  
“Maybe, I mean I don’t see why not. If there is anything like that I promise you and Nott can have my share. I’m not interested in money after all this is dealt with.”  
“I would have thought after your little errr, chat with the young lady you would feel differently.”  
“Did you think of maybe minding your own business?”  
“Merely making an observation. What do we do now?”  
“Now we lose the wagon and the spare horse and look for our next move. We’re going to need to see what Jester wants to do, it’s her mom after all.”  
Fjord guided the girls to go with Caleb and Nott to find an inn with a decent sized room they could hire.  
“We need a base of operations,” he explained. “The wagon might be recognised so it’s better if we get rid of it. Erik and I have the best experience with bartering so we’re going to go to the trade districts. Nott and Caleb, after seeing the girls safe I want you two to wander round this place and see what you can see. Check what people are saying and what the itinerary is for mommy dearest. We’ll all meet back in the room in an hour and see where we’re at. Now Jester, while you and Beau are in there I want you to think about what you could say to your mom to make it clear it’s you speaking. If you can get her attention without revealing yourself to the crowd we can work with that.”  
Jester nodded, hands curling around each other and a hungry look in her eyes at the knowledge that her family was so close.   
Beau gave Fjord a Look with a capital L and jerked her head towards Jester.   
“And um… Jester?”  
“Oh! Yes Fjord?”  
“We’ll get you back to her, alright? I don’t go back on my promises. We’ll keep you safe.”  
Jester gulped and nodded gently. “Thank you Fjord.” Beau leaned over to rub her shoulder and looked past her head. “There’s an inn called the Salty Mermaid on the corner,” she said. “We’ll try and get a room there. If there’s none we’ll rent one somewhere else then leave word with the barkeep here.”   
“Good plan.” Fjord nodded. “Everyone know what they’re doing?” Everyone nodded assent or gave an “Aye” of confirmation. Then the party split neatly into its pairs and everyone took on their new roles.   
It took a remarkably short time for Erik and Fjord to sell their horse and wagon, Stormhoof having gone with the girls for lodging with the inn.   
On their way back, the two meandered a little. They had spotted a few stalls where people were standing around gossiping about the events to come and they paused to look at the wares and listen in to what they could.   
Until Erik decided to bring up a certain subject again.  
“So have you thought about what I said about you and Jester?”  
Fjord pulled a face and put down the carved bear trinket he’d been looking at.   
“I have been thinking about it, still don’t wanna discuss it though.”  
“Well that’s tough for you then, as your best friend I am here to kick your ass with unwanted knowledge whenever you’re caught acting like an ass.”  
“Lucky me.”  
“Look buddy, you have never been this bummed out over a girl since Delilah.”  
“Hey Delilah is an off limits subject!”  
“Well I’m sorry but we need to lift the ban a little so that you can understand why this one is getting to you so bad.”  
“What do they have in common? Delilah was… she… you know this isn’t fair!”  
“It is if you think about it for more than ten minutes.”  
“I have been thinking about Jester this whole time! It’s kind of hard not to when she’s acting out like she is!”  
“Well can you blame the poor kid? You need to fix these issues once and for all man. If you let the crap that happened with Delilah colour your dealing with Jester you are going to lose the chance for something awesome and you know it.”  
“And how do you know it? Just cause someone is good in bed doesn’t mean they’re good for a relationship.”  
“True, but she’s met your whole family and gets on great with them. She’s been dealing with a ton of bad stuff but she isn’t throwing around blame, she’s just dealing with it. She’s funny, pretty and knows magic. She also really likes the look of you despite your weird denials about how hot you really are.”  
“Shut up.”   
“Quit blushing and accept it. And accept that you really do like her, LIKE like her. Cause even if you don’t want to say the big words you need to realise we can all see them hovering above your head like a big sign.”  
“Yeah well maybe I don’t want to hold out hope for something that couldn’t keep going for longer than the time it’ll take to get hold of her mom.”  
Erik sighed sadly. “I know man. She might want to keep in touch afterwards but she’s not going to want anything to do with you if you keep pushing her away because of some hurt feelings. You need to talk honestly to her before you can expect her to treat you honestly.”  
“I know, I get where you’re coming from. It’s just… hard.”  
“I know buddy. Everything is right now, but that’s why you’ve got me!”  
Erik slung an arm around his friends shoulder, making Fjord feel as though he was wearing a warm feathery blanket.   
“I’m with you to the end Fjord! However and whenever that comes, I’ll be by your side poking you with sharp sticks until you do the right thing. Alright?”  
“Alright buddy. And I promise to give thanks by getting the first second and third rounds in at the bard’s college when we head back that way.”  
“Damn right you will!” Erik said joyfully as the two headed back to the inn. 

I notice you used the name Delilah. 

Yes. Do you not want me to use that name?

No, you do want you like. Just didn’t realise you were still thinking of her. 

Not for years darling, but you know she won’t be coming off in a particularly nice light after this story?

That’s the only reason I’m allowing this. 

Thank you dear, I promise to buy you those nice squashes you like for dinner tomorrow alright?

Hmph. I suppose that’ll go some way to making it up to me. 

You’re so magnanimous. 

Damn right.


	6. Tuskless Surprise Kickline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I say there's gonna be a surprise kickline it's damn well going to happen!

The Salty Mermaid did have a large room available for them and some lodging for Stormhoof out back.   
Fjord and Erik arrived at the same time as Caleb and a shifty looking Nott.   
“What’s with you?” Erik asked as Fjord inquired after the girls.   
“Nothing’s with me, I am completely unaccompanied…. by anything… or anyone…..other than Caleb… and now you and Fjord…. that’s it.”  
“You said all of that suspiciously slowly. While trying to hold your trousers up.”  
“It’s a fashion thing, you wouldn’t understand!”  
“Uh huh. And it has nothing to do with that coin that fell out of your pocket just now?”  
“”WHERE?!?” Nott scrabbled at the floor, hands grasping at a small round thing that turned out ot be a dust bunny. She glared up at Erik who leaned back against the bar with a grin.   
“You’re despicable!” She hissed.   
“Don’t forget incorrigible!” Erik quipped back as Beau called to them all from upstairs. 

Jester had calmed down considerably and was already making plans of her own.   
“I know all kinds of ways to write stuff so she knows that I’m the one who wrote it you guys!” She said excitedly. “I wrote to her every day of my trip just getting here and whenever I went on trips to visit friends or family I would always send her a letter with a drawing or a painting of wherever I was. I’m telling you if I can get a letter to her she’ll know it’s me even if I don’t sign it! Like one of those coded letter things spies use!”  
“That could work but how can we get you close to her without revealing ourselves?” Fjord mused.   
“She’s very well guarded.” Caleb added. “There are five guards as well as four servants who were carrying her in this big wheel-less wagon thing.”  
“Palanquin.” Erik suggested.  
“Gesundheit. We’re pretty sure that it was her, a red tiefling? Dark hair?”  
“That’s my mama!” Jester said proudly, practically hugging herself with delight. “She’s going to be so surprised to see me!”  
“So what if we just slip the message past the guards somehow?” Beau asked. “We could tie it to an arrow and just fire it towards her. So long as we aim right no one’s gonna be too mad right?”   
“That sounds like a great way to start a war.” Erik said.   
“Getting her a message isn’t the worst thought in the world though.” Fjord weighed in. “If we can get her to know we have Jester without alerting anyone else, then she can meet us somewhere where we can let the know the situation.”  
“Won’t that make us seem like kidnappers?”  
“Ok so we offer for her to give us a place to meet up. Can’t be hard for her to tell one of her little soldiers to run over to the nearest inn and leave a note for us to meet up with her somewhere safe. That takes care of the issue of anyone seeing Jester, if we can get the message to her ma you don’t even need to leave this room.”  
Nott piped up then. “But how are we going to actually get it to her if projectiles are going to be a problem? I mean Caleb has sent messages magically before, maybe that could work?”  
“Well the problem with that is we don’t know that other people aren’t waiting for a magical attack. If you can’t finish a sentence for an alarm being sounded then it kind of defeats the purpose. It would be best if we could get a note or something similar to her by hand, then we know it’s got where it’s supposed to go and no one’s gonna try snatching it away from her… but how can we do that?”  
“I mean, mama always used to get suitors bringing her love letters.”Jester said. “They always got through her security teams just fine, except for Harold. He tried to tightrope walk from one building to mama’s bedroom and if it wasn’t for that seagull he might have made it.”  
Nott sighed sadly. “Damned seagulls.”  
Erik was looking thoughtful as he spoke up next. “Did your mother ever hear the tales of the great adventuring lover Dawn Joan the Assassin?”  
Jester blinked and her brow furrowed as she tried to remember. “I don’t think so, if she did she never mentioned it to me. I don’t think she even had any books about this woman and mama had a LOT of dirty books! Like I mean it you guys she had all kinds of naughty things in her library.”  
“Ok, number one; you and me are going to need a VERY in depth talk about these books and where I can get some copies later. Number two; Nott and Caleb, how good is your illusion magic? And three; Fjord, beloved friend of mine, how much do you trust me?”

The Ruby of the Sea was waving and smiling at the crowds that had gathered to catch a glimpse of her as she passed through the city.  
People were screaming for her attention, throwing flowers and declaring their love for her as she swept them all with a calm gaze.   
Four servants were indeed carrying her palanquin, but they seemed to be old hands at this game and were looking straight ahead with the air of people who don’t get paid enough to be excited about their jobs.   
Around the carriers were five guards, two ahead and three behind the procession.   
The last one was the biggest and walked a few steps behind the rear two, watching those in front.   
This guard was feeling more than a little bored of the whole thing. The day had been filled with screaming and fawning and it was very dull after the first five seconds.   
She was starting to wish something, anything would happen to relieve the boredom.   
When it actually happened, she wasn't sure whether to be grateful or horrified.   
There was music first, she was sure that came first.   
It started off with a strumming sound that seemed to come from all around them. It may have been the sound of a lyre but it sounded deeper and somehow more, sensual than that.   
Shortly after came the deep bass sounds and then something that must have been produced by a horn.   
She wasn’t big on music and couldn’t tell one instrument from another, but she knew when music was supposed to make you feel something.  
This was music to make you dance in a way that wound up with you and four others waking up in bed the next morning not quite able to meet each other’s eyes without giggling.   
The guard allowed herself a smile under her helmet. This was something new at least.   
Then she found herself frowning as movement started to stir the crowds on either side of the road.   
A pair of dancers on each side were skipping through the crowds, tugging at people and laughing as they started to form lines.   
The people caught on quickly, so they allowed themselves to be attached to the snaking forms of the dancing people that was growing longer and longer as the guards watched.   
‘This is a plan for something bigger.’ She thought as the rope separating the masses and the procession were suddenly parted and the lines of kick dancing people swam in between the guards and their charge.  
“Everyone get back behind the partitions!” She shouted, pushing at the raucous crowd as they threatened to obscure her vision.   
No one made any effort to pause their high kicks and subsequently no one was watching the black-robed figure of a dragonborn climbing almost all the way into the palanquin.   
The guard raised her bow to take aim at the intruder when a half-elf with streaming blonde hair leapt into her arms, blocking her sight and her bow.   
“Carry me home?” The half-elf pleaded in a way that made the guard one hundred percent sure that they were asking honestly.   
The guard was about to throw the intruder to the ground and take aim at the dragonborn again when she noticed him holding out a small, sealed envelope to the Ruby of the Sea.   
Having read a lot more swashbuckling adventures than her guards, the tiefling knew the proper protocol in this situation.  
She gave a coy smile to the intruder and snapped a fan over part of her face, then took the letter with delicate fingers.  
The dragonborn bowed neatly towards her, blew a kiss, then dropped down into the kicking dancers who were still trotting past the palanquin despite the guards best efforts at restoring order.   
The next thing the guard knew, they were being kissed on the cheek by the half-elf who whispered “You should date a monk” into her ear before leaping down and running into the crowd herself.  
As if this was a signal, the crowd started to realise they were being yelled at by angry guards who were shoving them back behind the ropes. The dancing ceased and the music was stifled as everyone returned to their previous places.   
A red hand extended itself from the palanquin’s sheer curtains and a voice called to her guard. “Yasha, come here please. I need to get a message sent as quickly as possible before we leave the city.”

You added the surprise chorus line! You actually did it!

Of course I did, I never forget a ridiculous promise. 

I’m just shocked you managed to add it in a believable way! You even added in the next character request.

That bit was easy, the descriptions make her sound like she’d be an amazing bodyguard. 

And the thing with disguised Beau?

I couldn’t help it! I just adore the thought of them being together, they’d be such a cute couple don’t you think?

Well, alright then. We’ll leave it in. How many are left to add to the group?

Just one, do you think we’ll put him in the…?

Oh definitely. He’ll enjoy it I’m sure. right up until the big twist.


	7. Tuskless Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been brought to you by heheheh, hahahahha, HEHEHEHHEHE MWUAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

After the surprise kickline, everyone dashed for a dark corner in an alley as Nott removed the illusions they’d put on. Caleb climbed down the wobbly ladder they’d found as soon as the thaumaturgic music had been stopped and checked in with the others before they all raced back to the inn.  
“It went perfectly.” Fjord crowed as the scales dropped from his skin and disappeared, his dragonborn form disappearing as he stood in the room.  
“Erik’s choreography got everybody moving!”  
“That and a little ‘suggestion’ here and there.” Erik said cockily as Caleb waved a hand over him, removing his part of the illusions.  
“I saw it from the window, you guys looked so cool.” Jester said wistfully, head on her hands as she watched the magic change her companions back to their original selves.  
“Oh Jester you have no idea.” Sighed Beau. “There was this one guard, she was so big and so hot. Like you would not believe how nice it feels to sit in her arms, I mean I would pay real good money to have her carry me around the city like a sack of potatoes you know?”  
Jester caught Erik and Nott’s eyes and the three started a singing chant of “Beau’s got a girlfriend Beau’s got a girlfriend!”  
“Oh my god I wish!”  
“Do you know what her name is? Like are you going to start sending letters to Waterdeep to try and get love notes to her?” Jester grinned even wider as she spoke.  
“I never heard her name, I just saw these gorgeous eyes and this two tone hair and-”  
Beau’s romantic description was interrupted by a knock on the door.  
Jester looked towards Fjord who jerked his chin towards the bathroom where Jester slipped inside, quickly followed by Nott who shut the door.  
As soon as they were secreted away, Beau opened the front door of the room.  
Stooping a little so as not to hit her head, Yasha moved into the room with all the grace of a really big jungle cat.  
Beau tilted her head back and felt awestruck at the sight of the large woman all over again.  
Fjord, Erik and Caleb caught sight of their friend’s face, then caught each other’s eyes and swiftly looked away again.  
Fjord bit down on the amusement in his voice as he spoke for the others.  
“May we help you… um…”  
“My name is Yasha, I work for the Ruby of the Sea. Is someone here named… Jester?”  
Beau piped up “I’ll let you call me whatever you want if you hold me again.”  
“What?”  
“What? I didn’t say anything. What do you want with- I mean, who’s Jester? Is that like a pseudonym? Is she really called Tracy or something? Hahaha! Who’s Tracy am I right?”  
Beau descended into a fit of lovestruck giggles, unable to keep up the semblance of sensible thinking in the face of all her desires come to life.  
Yasha raised her eyebrows and waited for someone to answer her original question.  
“You said you work for the Ruby of the Sea,” Fjord interjected. “How do we know you’re here under her orders and not anyone else’s?”  
Yasha looked over at Fjord for a moment, as though she were sizing him up. Then she said “I was told that the Ruby was looking for her Sapphire. I was to add that the scent of her lavender perfume seems dull without the sight of her daughter painting as she readies herself for the day’s performances. She said that menagerie of words would tell her daughter what she needed to know.”  
The bathroom door was flung open to a squeak of protest from Nott as Jester leapt into the room and cried “That’s my mama! I know it’s her, those are things she would know that I know oh I am so happy!”  
Jester grabbed Caleb’s hands and danced him in a rather surprised circle.  
“Well I guess that proves it then.” Fjord said. “If you’ve been sent by her mother, does that mean she got our letter?”  
“In a way, yes. But I am not permitted to tell you any more here, just in case there are people listening who wish the young lady harm.”  
Erik shrugged at this. “Makes sense.”  
“So where exactly do you propose we go to hear more of what you have to say?” Fjord asked, crossing his arms over his chest.  
“I’ve been instructed to take you over to the Castle Ward, Laeral Silverhand has given permission for you to be brought to her home in order to meet the Ruby in a safe environment for all of you. She and the Ruby both are aware that there have been some rumblings of strange activity centering on her daughter. She’s keen to ensure her safety before trusting strangers.”  
“Well that’s… understandable actually.”  
Caleb leaned forward and raised a hand as though asking permission to speak. “My colleague and I, we have an arrangement with the young lady and her companions that we would be paid for her safe return. Obviously we think it is wunderbar that she is to be reunited so soon but we would prefer it be known that we might require some form of monetary thanks.”  
“The lady herself has mentioned a reward for her daughter’s safe return.” Yasha confirmed. “I am afraid I don’t know the exact details of the reward but I do know she’s been actively searching for her daughter ever since the rumours that she’d run away from her fiance.”  
“I didn’t run away!” Jester pouted. “That horrible guy attacked me with knives and half elves and all kinds of bad things! I was lucky to get away.”  
Yasha blinked. “That’s not exactly what the Ruby was told, I may have to have a word with my lady when we see her.”  
“She’s here? Mama is waiting for me? She didn’t leave?”  
“Yes, yes and no. She’s waiting at the castle for you and has agreed to meet with you and any of your travelling companions you wish to take with you.”  
Jester clapped her hands in delight. “What are we waiting for you guys? Let’s go!”

Yasha led the group in a procession through the streets of Waterdeep without earning a second glance, despite the strange combination of creatures making up the group and the horse taking up the rear.  
Fjord had insisted that Stormhoof not be left at the inn if they were to be travelling onwards.  
It took Beau roughly ten minutes to work up the courage to tell Yasha that her hand had suddenly gained a dozen tonnes in weight and could she please hold it for her?  
Erik had snorted into his beak at that one but Yasha took it in stride.  
She took Beau’s hand too, causing the monk to burst into a deep blush that practically lit up the roads they were walking along.  
The group was led to the castle, where Stormhoof was taken to the stables to be brushed and put away with the other horses. The two legged travellers went inside to a large meeting hall where a tall woman with silvery hair and a very elegant dress greeted them with open arms.  
“Welcome, welcome all of you! I am Laeral Silverhand, Open Lord of Waterdeep. Please come in all of you and we can greet you properly.”  
Fjord beckoned the others to follow his lead and went down on one knee, bowing his head in respect. “My lady, my companions and I were led to believe that we might see the Ruby of the Sea here and reunite her with her daughter. I know she was moving through the city and we are happy to await her return but-”  
Laeral waved his words away with a laugh. “The Ruby has not left this castle dear boy, she will be down in mere moments.”  
Jester looked up, confused. “But my friends saw her in that carriage thingy, being carried and everything.”  
“Your friends saw an imposter my child, a very clever illusion laid on the palanquin-”  
“Gesundheit.”  
“Errr, yes. An illusion that makes whoever sits inside and uses the command word look like the Ruby herself. The person you saw was a maidservant of mine who is doing our great visitor a favour.”  
A tapping, clacking sound that had started off sounding small now grew louder as someone approached from a hall behind Laeral, who turned to smile at the latest guest.  
“Ahhh, here she is now.”  
Stepping back, Laeral gave a regal nod of her head to the red tiefling woman who entered the room, draped in silks and jewellery and looking straight at Jester with a smile.  
“Mama! Oh MAMA!” Jester cried, flinging herself at the other tiefling and wrapping her arms around her with a grateful sob. “My mama, I have so much to talk to you about.”  
“Well then, we should hear about it my darling. You must tell me all that you’ve been through.”  
Laeral looked quizzically at the Ruby who nodded her head and said “I know who this is, could you…?”  
“Of course, I will have the dining hall set up if you want to talk a little.”  
So saying, Laeral signalled a waiting footman to follow her as she started to give orders for food to be brought immediately.  
“I got here with Beau on the boat okay, but then everything started going really weird!” Jester said, rattling through the words breathlessly. “These bandits wanted to kidnap me or kill me, they locked Beau in a chest and then Fjord and Erik, that’s these guys, they saved us! Then we got to Lord Drylund who turned out to be a real jerk. Then he tried to kill me himself and we met Caleb and Nott who helped us escape from that guy through the sewers, then Torgan and Sarissa were lovely but they had to leave so we wouldn’t be followed by like, spies and stuff. Then we got over here and we saw that other woman and thought it was you, so we danced a message to her and it got to you and now here we are and I’m so happy to see you again!”  
Jester’s voice trailed into a happy squeak as she ended her speech by wrapping her arms tightly around her stunned mother.  
“Well that sounds… that sounds like a lot dear.”  
“We can explain each part a little more thoroughly over dinner.” Beau said. “You’re missing about half the important details of that story.”  
“Well then we shouldn’t waste anymore time standing around. Let’s go on up shall we?”

Dinner turned out to be a huge spread of food that the group set to with gusto. They hadn’t eaten since early that morning and were ravenous. Waiters passed by here and there, helping to pass platters around and ensure clean silverware for each of them.  
After replacing hers twice, Nott and her suspiciously jangling pockets were given wooden utensils and she ate normally.  
The Ruby of the Sea insisted that the group call her Marion and then set about asking each of them for details about their meeting Jester and the journey to where they now sat.  
Caleb and Nott admitted that they were hoping to get into Neverwinter Academy for access to some of the spell books they kept there and Marion hinted that she may be willing to write them a note to aid their quest.  
“You never told us that’s what you were after.” Erik said as he worked his way through a large bunch of grapes.  
“You never asked.” Said Caleb, grease covering his fingers as he tore a pheasant to pieces and occasionally chewed on a sliver of flesh. “Also it was easier to ask for money and not discuss why we wanted it than to risk you guys letting on to the academy that my companion and I are… less than lawful in our endeavours.”  
“Well we are all learning new things about each other today.” Marion said, clapping her hands together in a manner very like Jester. “I would like to propose a toast, for learning about new friends. Please could you allow the waiters to freshen your glasses? I have brought a fine vintage with me from the Menagerie Coast.”  
Everyone agreed happily and waited while the servants poured fresh drinks for the group. Marion and Laeral took fresh glasses from a dragonborn footman, who took their goblets from a stand at the back of the room.  
“Please,” said Jester. “May we also toast to you and your dear friend mama? You have both been so kind to us after all.”  
A look passed between the two women then and Fjord felt a slight tightening in his gut. He hoped that it meant nothing but bad gravy.  
“Of course my dear,” Marion answered smilingly. “To new friends, high and low born alike. And to kindness from strangers that they might lead us to where we are meant to be.”  
So saying, Marion tipped the goblet to her lips and the group took deep swigs from their own glasses.  
Fjord sipped his, only taking a second when the dragonborn eyed him suspiciously.  
As the glasses touched the table again, Laeral smiled and waved the servants away again.  
“I think this is as good a time as any don’t you Marion?”  
“Oh indeed. Let’s not waste another moment.”  
The two women rose and allowed the dragonborn to move their chairs so they could step beside the table and move towards Jester on one side of the table and Caleb on the other.  
Marion took her daughter’s chin and raised it, peering at her face in a calculating manner. “How are you feeling precious? Tired?”  
Jester blinked slowly as she answered, her words slurring a little. “I think I.. I might be mother but… but I didn’t feel so sleepy a second ago…” Her eyelids started to flicker closed as Laeral moved the plate away from Caleb’s place and pushed him gently down where he muttered “It’s not…. not right this….” Before he dropped completely in a stupor.  
“What have you done to…” Was all Nott managed before she slumped in her chair.  
Erik and Beau didn’t even have a chance to speak before they were overcome and dropped to the table, arms reaching for knives that were suddenly just that little bit out of reach.  
Fjord had enough strength left to shove himself up from the table, but when he tried to unsheath his sword he found it too heavy even to lift.  
“What did you… what did you do… to us?” He gasped, sweating as he fought the effects of whatever drug they’d been fed.  
“We did nothing yet.” The dragonborn said, letting Laeral stroke his shoulder as he moved past her to stand in front of Fjord.  
His scales fell as the illusion was removed to reveal the half-elf Vindeus, henchman of Lord Drylund. “You should save your strength for when we do start doing things to you though.” He said as Fjord’s vision began to swim. “We have such fun planned for you.”  
Then everything was darkness.


	8. Tuskless Jail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang is captured and they're not happy about it! Some naughty words in this one and a wee bit of torture, but Jester has enough spell slots left that she can help people out.

Everything was fog, painful aching fog.   
Voices thrummed in Fjord’s brain like wasps buzzing by his ears. He wanted to tune them out and fall into the blissful blackness he’d begun to rise from.  
Sounds joined the voices, sharp sounds that banged and rattled.  
‘Metal. That’s metal somewhere nearby.’ He thought muzzily.  
His head was hurting even more. His shoulders were really starting to throb in pain.  
Fjord tried to move, groaning as he felt his arms caught behind him, his legs bound by chains as his wrists were clasped in a pair of manacles.  
The voices were loud, raised in some heated discussion and Fjord wanted to sink back down and forget anything was happening.   
It was nicer in the black nothing, it felt like floating. Like being suspended in water.  
A sharp clang and a cry of “FJORD!” jerked him out of his reveries and his eyes snapped open.   
A stinging sensation in his leg had him trying to twist away from the pain while hissing through his teeth.   
He managed to wriggle around enough to see a long piece of metal, red hot at the tip, being removed from the birdcage-like cell as a voice calmly stated. “Ah, you’re awake. Good.”  
Bars. He was surrounded by bars and caught like an animal.   
His eyes adjusting to the gloomy interior of the room they were in, Fjord saw the blonde head of Vindeus, putting a long metal poker neatly back in its place on a long wooden table holding various other items.   
Fjord’s leg stung where it had been burnt and he could hear someone sobbing beyond his shoulder.   
There was a chain leading the top of his domed cage from the ceiling and he could feel himself swaying slightly. He could just about see more chains but his awkward positioning stopped him from seeing anyone.  
“What’ve you done with my friends?” He slurred as the half elf busied himself at the table.   
“We’re all here Fjord.” Came Beau’s voice from the darkness. “You’re the last one to wake up, this sadist has been getting the party started without you.”   
Realizing the implications of her grim words, Fjord tried to wriggle into a more upright position. “Who’s hurt?” He demanded.   
“Just me…” Came Erik’s voice, weak with pain. “The jerk was slapping Jester around so I bit him. Would have done worse but he broke my wing. Really hurts man!”  
Vindeus sniggered as he explained himself. “The young lady was in danger of missing the fun. With her ex fiance coming to see her I wanted to be sure they would have the opportunity to talk.”   
The half orc growled in frustration as he tried to wrench the chains from his arms without success.  
“Keep it together man! This asshole is playing with us, we have to-” Beau’s speech was prematurely cut off as the stone room filled for a moment with light.  
The door had been opened to reveal Lord Drylund and Marion Lavorre, stepping calmly into the room as though they were taking a stroll through a garden on a midsummer morning.   
“My lord.” Vindeus murmured, kneeling down with a bow.   
“You ugly piece of shit!” Fjord hissed, snarling through the bars of his cage.   
“I think your songbird needs retuning.” Marion smirked. “It seems to be ill, all green like that.”  
Drylund threw his head back and guffawed sycophantically. Vindeus looked as though he’d rather be flaying someone than listen to the noise.   
“Whatever you’re hoping to achieve by torturing us, it won’t work.” Fjord growled. “None of us are going to help you hurt Jester.”  
“Yeah!” Came Beau’s voice. “You can suck it if you think we’re gonna tell you and that…. Big red imposter anything!”  
“If you could make a note of that WITHOUT torturing us, some of us would appreciate it.” That last note was from Nott, her voice smaller than usual as she tucked herself in a corner of her own cage somewhere out of Fjord’s sight.   
“It’s adorable that you think there’s anything about you vagabonds I would want to keep around.” Lord Drylung sneered as he poked at the cage next to Fjord with his silver topped cane and swung it around, revealing Jester in the hanging cage.  
Her tear-streaked face was glaring at the man who had caused the group so much trouble for so long.   
“She’s the only one still useful to us,” he continued. “And even then, we only really want her as a convenient corpse.”  
“What’s convenient about someone being dead?” Beau demanded, kicking at her own cage. “She’s no good to anyone if you kill her you asshat!”  
“Tut tut, such language from a young lady!”   
Beau retorted with a word that even made the seasoned warriors flinch a little.  
“Regardless, our plans are a little more sophisticated than just marrying into status. We’re going to have ourselves a jolly little war!”  
Everyone in the room was stunned into silence.   
“Why the hell would you want a war?” Beau snapped, glaring through the bars at the captors. “Innocent people are going to be in so much danger!”  
“Of course those people are going to die silly goose!” Drylund chuckled. “We’re also going to rake in a LOT of profits!”   
Marion took this moment to chime in. “Maybe we don’t tell them everything my lord? We have my dear darling daughter’s corpse to deal with after all.”  
That last sentence seemed to have an effect on Jester who grabbed the bars and yelled “Why are you helping him mama? This isn’t you! I know you would never do this! What happened? I can help you, please!”  
Marion scoffed at her daughter’s distress.   
“Help me? You want to help me? Perhaps you could stop that pathetic snivelling and… and you can…” Her face seemed to twist in on itself then, as though she were experienced a dozen emotions at once.   
“Mama? Mother please…” Jester tried again.   
Marion steadied herself on the workbench and shook her head with a growl and something hissed under her breath.   
Then it was over. In the very next instant Marion raised herself back up to her original, haughty level and turned towards Lord Drylund.  
“This one is becoming an issue. I’m going to have to reiterate her position. Do not tell them anything. Understand?”   
“Of course my dear! Not that there’s any issue, what are these idiots going to do?” He turned a disdainful eye towards Jester. “Drown us in tears?”  
He snorted at his own terrible attempt at humour even as Vindeus and Marion rolled their eyes above his head.   
“Whatever. Just make sure they don’t have an opportunity for sudden unexpected rescues. I won’t even risk the gods involvement on this plan.” Marion spun on her heel and left in a woosh of silks.   
“Tell ME what to do…” Drylund muttered as soon as the door was shut. “I can say anything I like. TO whoever I like!”  
Fjord decided to try a shot in the dark. “Of course you can’t, we can all see who’s in charge here. She probably came up with that whole plan herself.”  
Lord Drylund puffed up like an aggravated toad. He glared at the captive half orc with all the rage of a man who considers himself important and has just been told that he’s acting like an ass.   
“I am the one who came up with this plan! When this war comes I will be the one providing the majority of arms. I will be the one who runs the casinos and nightclubs for the weary soldiers and I am the one who will be pulling the strings of the whole operation to ensure that this war continues for a very, very long time. You’ll see, soon enough there will be continents from all over the planet coming together to rid this world of you inhuman types! The death of this little blue annoyance will be the catalyst and I will be so torn up by my loss that those idiots in the high palaces will be tripping over themselves to offer me a sympathetic ear and hear how their enemies did this to send a message. About how certain green monsters should know their place.”  
Drylund had been stepping closer and closer to Fjord’s cage and practically spat the last three words into his face.   
Fjord took a breath, looked Lord Drylund in the eye and said “But won’t you be affected by this ‘inhuman’ purge too?”   
The man blinked at the half-orc’s suddenly innocent tone. “What do you mean?”  
“Well clearly you’re not human.” Fjord continued, leaning forward a little. “You’re nothing more than a walking, diseased penis with delusions of grandeur.”  
A chorus of voices raised on whooping celebration, with at least one call of “BUUURRRNNNN!” It gave Fjord heart that his friends weren’t out of the fight yet, but it wasn’t quite as satisfying as spotting Vindeus over the seething Drylund’s shoulder, sputtering then immediately coughing to cover the laugh that had almost escaped his throat.   
The human snarled in rage then snatched up a tool that looked like an ice pick and slammed it into Fjord’s calf through the bars of the cage.   
The celebratory voices died down quickly, but the damage was done and the lord was the target of enough deadly glares that he lost his nerve quickly.   
“Dammit Vindeus I wanted these meddlers broken, do you hear me? Don’t call for me until their wills are destroyed!”   
“Yes sir, is this before or after I make the arrangements for the young lady’s corpse?”  
“Oh for the love of-! After! She’s only just barely royalty anyway, those bloody menagerie coast heathens. Come on then, let’s see the options and don’t forget to lock the damn door!”  
Vindeus followed his master with the sigh of the perpetual servant, taking a key from his pocket as he closed the door and locking it before the voices started to fade.   
With a pained grunt, Fjord wrapped his fingertips around the pick in his leg and managed to yank it out.   
There was a clanking sound nearby and he felt Jester’s hand slip through the bars of his cage and brush his ankle.   
Almost immediately, it felt like a soft blanket was being wrapped around him and the wound stopped bleeding. Within a minute, it felt as though the worst of the damage was already mended and he gasped out his thanks.   
Jester sat back in the cage and sighed heavily. “So what are going to do now?”  
There was no answer from the assembled travellers.   
A new voice from the dark however, chose this moment to pipe up from the shadows. “Well I don’t know about you guys but I’d really like to get out of this place. It sucks here.”  
Fjord scrambled around as best he could and tried to get a look at the stranger who’d spoken. “Who are you?”  
The owner of the voice leaned forward out of the shadows and Fjord’s eyes widened at the sight.


	9. Tuskless, yet Mighty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final character is introduced, the gang is all together! Now thye just need to resolve their differences, not die, escape an enemy stronghold and figure out what's up with Jester's mother while coming up with new nicknames for Lord Drylund. 
> 
> Seems doable.

Fjord had seen creatures like this before, of many shapes and colours. This was the first time however that he had seen one with pink hair.  
The Firbolg in the cage smiled beatifically at him. “My name is Caduceus Clay, it’s a real pleasure to meet you guys. You’re the most talkative bunch I’ve met since I was put in this place.”  
“How long have you been down here?” Beau asked.   
“Oh at least a few days. I haven’t really paid a lot of attention to the time. I’ve just been talking to that half elf guy when he comes down here. He can really be kind of mean huh?”  
“That’s underselling him.” Fjord grumbled. “I don’t suppose you’ve figured a way out of here since you’ve been in their tender care?”  
“Not in the slightest. I’ve wandered all around this room and I have no clue where I am. Obviously in a castle but I mean beyond that.”  
Beau sighed roughly. “Great, so we’re stuck here until they get tired of our screaming and kill us all. Fabulous.”  
Fjord however, felt a little hope rising within himself as he realised what the newcomer had said.   
“You’ve wandered around this room? Outside of your cage?”  
“Yes and yes. I must say though it is not the most pleasant place I’ve ever been imprisoned. Most of the time they just forget I’m in here.”  
“But you can get out? They didn’t lock you in there?”  
“Oh they tried, but I made sure I had a way out. They didn’t seem like the nicest bunch when they invaded my graveyard.”  
“You live in a graveyard?”  
“Oh yes, Mrs Jenkins was going to help me make tea when that half elf appeared.”  
“Why didn’t Mrs Jenkins get captured?”  
“Well she was already dead so they didn’t really pay her any attention.”  
Fjord was nonplussed for a moment, but he knew the firbolg was their only hope right now.   
“Well Caduceus, I think it’s clear that we are in quite a bind here. I think it’s also safe to say that we are in for a heap of trouble if we don’t try and escape as soon as possible.”  
“Oh yeah, I heard them talking before you woke up, you guys are screwed if you stay here.”  
“Exactly. So… I don’t suppose you might see your way to getting us out of these restraints and maybe out of these cages?”  
Caduceus grinned widely. “Well sure! I’d be happy to, it’ll give my little friends a bit of exercise.”  
“Your friends?”  
“Yup!”   
So saying, Caduceus made a noise with his tongue and a swarm of beetles began to scuttle from a hole in the wall behind him.   
They grew in number until the floor was in danger of being obscured before they started to make they way up the walls and then the ceiling to the hanging chains where the group’s cages were suspended.   
“I’m not sure I like this!” Nott cringed.   
“Yeah, Fjord this doesn’t look good!” Beau called as she wriggled against her own bonds.   
“It’s fine,” Caduceus said calmly. “Just let them work and it’ll all be over soon.”  
“What exactly is gonna be over?” Fjord demanded a the first of the beetles started to swarm over the lock of his cage.   
As he watched, one of the bugs looked up and seemingly straight into his eyes.  
Then it leapt at him.   
Fjord liked to think of himself as a hardened warrior who had seen plenty of awful things without flinching.   
He promised himself he would never admit to making the strangled, squeaking noise of fear that escaped his throat as the insect landed right between his eyes.   
Before he could move he felt the tiny creature making its way over his head and down his body before being followed by what felt like several companions.   
A few shrieks and “What the hell!?”’s around him suggested that his companions were going through a similar ordeal.  
“Just let it happen. It’ll be fine.” Caduceus murmured as the other prisoners wriggled against their bonds.   
Fjord was wondering what his parents would say when they learnt he had died in a dungeon at the hands of bugs of all things when he heard a series of clicks.   
At first he thought that the sound was the beetles communicating in some awful way. Then he realised that his hand and feet were suddenly a lot more mobile.   
A clinking sound came from his limbs as his restraints released their grip and clattered onto the floor of the cage.   
Raising himself to a sitting position, Fjord watched as the beetles started towards the locks of the cages.   
“How did you do that?” Fjord asked, awestruck.  
“They’re good beetles. They can do a lot more than just eat things.”  
“So if you lost a couple,” came Nott’s voice. “Would it be a problem?” As she spoke, she wiped the side of her mouth where a shiny green wing casing hung.   
“Everything dies sooner or later.” Caduceus said calmly. “A death here or there is often replaced with new life. So it goes.”  
The bugs left the door locks and flew back to the wall, where the firbolg removed a few bricks to reveal a tall staff he must have hidden there.   
Taking it in hand, he wandered over to Nott’s cage and poked the lock with the jewel at the top of his staff. “These are a little more tricky to deal with, might need something smaller to actually get you guys out of here.”  
“Ooh! Mr Clay? Sir? If you can find my tools I could get us out.” Nott chirped, excited at the chance of showing her skills.   
“Well that seems like a great idea. Do you know where your stuff is?”  
“Back here,” Erik piped up from the far end of the room. “I think they dumped our stuff here to sort through later.”  
“Oh that’s bad, procrastination is gonna make their day so much harder.”  
Holding up the packs one by one, Caduceus peered around curiously until Nott pointed out her own bag, which held her lockpicks.   
As she began working on her own lock, the tall firbolg wandered among the cages, sniffing and looking around until he stopped in between the two cages holding Jester and Fjord.   
“What are you two so upset about?”  
“Upset? We’re not upset,” Fjord said. “Beyond being caught by a madman and threatened with torture we’re just fine!”  
“No, no that’s not it. There’s something between you two that’s really messing with the vibes in here. You want to talk about it?”  
“No we do not. Especially with a stranger.”  
“Well maybe some of us do!” Jester interrupted with a firm tone.   
“Wait what?”  
“I want to talk about you and the way you’ve been acting lately and I think if we talk it over with people watching there’s less chance you’ll get all mad and stuff. And you’re in a cage so you can’t stomp off like a big stinky face!”  
“This is some nice catharsis already.” Caduceus said with a satisfied smile. “Do you want to say anything now Mr Half-ord?”  
“Yes, I want to say this is a damn stupid topic of discussion when we’re in the middle of a dangerous situation and we should have our minds on more important things!”  
“If we had talked about it before we wouldn’t have had our minds on it at all!” Jester all but yelled. “Maybe if I hadn’t been worrying about this I would have noticed something wrong with mother before we were captured!”  
“She’s YOUR mother! You should be able to spot stuff like that without anyone’s help. And maybe I would be feeling a little more open to talking to someone who didn’t put frogs in my food!”  
“It was a toad and you deserved it! I was trying to talk to you before all of this to find out what was wrong and you had to bite my head off!”   
“Well I didn’t ask you to nearly get killed by Lord Ass-face but you still dumped me and Erik in with him when you were complaining to Beau!”  
“Wait what?” That came from both girls in unison.   
“You were listening to us?” Jester asked, surprise in her voice.   
“Not on purpose.” Fjord admitted as Nott opened up Erik’s cage last and came to stand by Caduceus, waiting to see how this would end.  
Sighing at the sudden audience growth, Fjord continued. “I was coming to get you both when I heard you talking about how everyone you’d met so far had been so awful to you. I assumed you hadn’t meant me to hear that so I pretended not to know anything, but it still hurt! Especially after the crap we’d all gone through to keep you safe.”  
Jester was quiet for a moment. Then she raised her head and looked him steadily in the eyes. “You’re right Fjord, you weren’t meant to hear that. Because I never meant it to mean you! Or Erik, or your father or anyone in the traders! If you had to listen to us talking I wish you would have stayed to hear me thanking the Traveller that you and your family had come to help us!”  
“She’s not wrong.” Beau added, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall nearest Jester’s cage. “She would have been crying all that day if she didn’t start thinking about how awesome you guys had been. You know, up until that point.”  
Fjord looked in surprise at the two women, seeing nothing but honest truth in their faces.   
“I told you she was different.” Erik gasped as Caduceus laid a hand on his wing and performed some sort of magic on him.   
Shame washed over Fjord as he realised how much trouble over the last month had been entirely his own fault.   
“I’m sorry I misunderstood and jumped to conclusions Jester. You’ve been travelling with us for a while I… I guess I should have realised you wouldn’t say such things without good cause.”  
Erik clutched his chest and put a hand on Nott’s shoulder. “My boy’s growing up!” He whispered.   
“I’m sorry too.” Jester murmured back. “I should have talked more to you all, you’ve been such good friends to me ever since we met, although you did deserve the toad.”  
Fjord couldn’t help laughing out loud at that last sentence and Nott finally released the locks on Jester’s cage, then Fjord’s.   
“So does this mean we are able to continue with less drama than before?” Caleb asked, rubbing his face where he had been gagged in his cage.   
“I reckon so.” Fjord said, turning to Jester as if for confirmation.   
When she nodded with a quiet giggle, Fjord took a breath and started to take charge.   
“Alright, first thing we need to do is figure a way out of this room. We’d appreciate your help Mr Clay if you’re willing?”  
“Please call me Caduceus, I’d be happy to help you nice people out a little. There’s something rotten in this castle I really need to deal with.”  
“Well if we can return the favour I for one will do my best. We’ll make a start on that door-”  
As Fjord pointed, the door to the cell room opened and a blond head peered in.   
Vindeus wasted no time with threats and leapt into the room already drawing his sword.   
“Guard!” He hissed. “Get the other men, tell them the castle is under attack!”  
The half elf ended the sentence with a sharp stop and stiffened where he stood. A moment later, his eyes rolled up in his head and he crumpled to the floor.   
A truncheon, used by the palace guard rolled off of him where it had landed at the back of his neck with enough force to knock him out.   
A white haired guard stepped into the gloomy light of the room and surveyed the astonished viewers.   
“Sorry I’m a little late.” Said Yasha. “I needed to gather more evidence before I could act, did I miss anything important?”  
Caleb looked at the large woman, looked at the opened cages, looked at the lanky firbolg smiling around at the others and said.   
“Nein.”


	10. Tuskless Stealth Fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I conjure uncomfortable scenarios in my head where Jester sounds like a saturday morning cartoon villain.

The door to the jail creaked a little as it was carefully pushed open from the inside. A pair of guards were walking past, but one of them reached out a hand and stopped his companion.   
“Scuse me, m’lord?” The guard who had stopped called out. “Is everything all right in there?”  
The group inside the jail frantically gestured and whispered as the guards started to put hands on their swords and called again. “Sir? Are you well?”  
Moving quickly, Caleb leaned forward and grabbed Jester, who happened to be closest to the door, by the mouth and whispered something to her before he let go.   
She eyed him curiously but turned to speak through the gap.  
“No everything’s fine, we’re all good in here.” She said in Vindeus’ voice. “How are you?”  
The guards looked at each other with raised eyebrows. “Uhh, we saw the door sir. Did you need anything?”  
“Oh no no, I’m fine just hurting people in here, you know how it is.” Jester continued, getting lost in the role. “You guys can just carry on upstairs and I’ll be right up after I’ve had a bath. You know how bad it is getting like, people juice off of your clothes?”  
The guards looked at each other and grimaced. “Aye sir, we’ll leave you to it then.”  
The two men moved off, a little faster this time than they had before, and Jester poked her head into the hall to watch their retreating backs.   
“That was so cool!” She said to the rest of the room. “Am I going to sound like this for a while Caleb? Hi! I am a half elf who smells stinky and eats poop!”   
She descended into giggles as Caleb launched into a description of how the spell worked and the components he’d used to make such a thing.   
“What are you even doing here Yasha? Not that I’m complaining.” Fjord asked as he buckled his falchion back into place on his armour.   
Vindeus had been crammed into one of the cages and the tall woman was tying a leather manacle around his face as a makeshift gag.   
It was a little tight, but she wasn’t about to let that stop her forcing it into place.  
“I came here on behalf of my Lord Protector in Triboar. A spy was discovered working for Yartar, smuggling signet rings and other identifying artefacts from the nobles staying with my lord. He got cocky and tried to steal from a pink haired rogue passing through with her wife. Even before he was taken to jail she made sure he regretted that decision. He said he’d been sent by someone in Yartar but some magic killed him before he could say more. I’ve been looking into things ever since and infiltrated the guards a week ago to see what I could find out. Seems like the Lady of Waterdeep has been told that you guys are pretending to be family of the Ruby woman to try and assassinate her.”  
“That’s a lie!” Came Vindeus’ voice from an angry Jester’s face.   
“I believe you. But someone is either pulling her strings or she’s been very adept at pretending to be good all this time.”  
“It has to be the first one, mama has always been the sweetest, kindest woman in the world. Everyone loves her so much!”  
“Ok I’m going to have to ask you to stop talking Jester.” Fjord interrupted.  
“Why? Are the guards coming back?”  
“No, I’m just getting real freaked out seeing you talking with that creep’s voice. The guards have gone though, where do y’all think we should aim for?”  
“Let’s go up. I don’t want to think about getting trapped in a cellar in this place.”   
The group carefully made their way out of the jail and started up along the stairs where the guards had previously gone.   
Taking the lead, Fjord listened at each section of the journey and then waved the others after him when certain there was no danger.   
Yasha, taking up the rear, kept her sword unsheathed ready for anyone sneaking up on the group.  
Unfortunately for the group, Nott was starting to freak out at the situation.   
“I’m in so much trouble if they see me, humans always kill the little ones first!”  
“It will be alright Nott, take a drink from your flask.” Caleb advised, quietly as he could.  
“Getting drunk won’t help! They’re going to tear me apart, then sell my ears as potion ingredients, then they’re going to see what they can make out of my blood and the bits inside of me-”  
“Come on man!” Beau interrupted in a whisper-yell. “Don’t make me throw up when we haven’t even eaten yet!”  
“I’m sorry I just know that this could be it for me, even if you guys get out of it ok you’re big! I’m a tiny goblin er uhh halfling!”  
“I’ve never heard of a goblinerahalfling before.” That was Caduceus. “Are they related to goblins at all? Cause you take after them a LOT.”  
“Not helping!”  
“You are?”  
“Aghhhh!” Nott dragged her fingernails over her face in despair.  
“You guys you’re getting kind of loud ok?” Jester interrupted.   
“She started it!” Beau retorted, pointing at Nott.   
Fjord, who’s nerves had been fraying steadily since the conversation started, turned around at this point.  
“Will ALL of you SHUT UP! We’re supposed to be stealthy as we move through the castle, STEALTHY! That does NOT mean have an argument!”  
“Um….. Fjord?” Erik said sheepishly as the group watched the half orc rant with wide eyes and shocked expressions.   
“What Erik? What now?”  
Silently, Erik pointed over Fjord’s shoulder.   
Fjord turned his head and said simply “oh.”  
Three guards stood at the top of the stairs the group was standing on. Two of them were watching the group as though they were surprised but willing to see how this argument turned out.   
The third had the biggest grin on his face as he stood with crossed arms.   
“Ummm… what do we do now?” Asked Jester.  
Beau leapt past her, screaming a war cry as she flung herself at one of the two watching guards, knocking him to the floor and sitting on him as she started to pound on his face and chest.   
“That answer your question?” Fjord snarled as he whipped out his falchion and slashed the crossed arms guard across the chest before he had a chance to leap away.   
“Well I’m sure I’d be happy to help.” Caduceus said as he raised his staff and sent a cloud of beetles to the last guard who started to scream and was then cut off as the insects started to crawl over his face.   
The guard under Beau yelped and tried to reach up to her face to stop her attacks, just as she struck downward he grabbed her wrist with one hand and with the other pulled out a dagger as he dragged the sharp edge across her ribs.   
Knowing they were supposed to be stealthy, Beau hissed in pain and leapt back towards the stairs to give herself some breathing space.   
Jester moved behind Beau and steadied her as she landed, muttering a few words as she did so and causing a large lollipop to appear above the guard still on the floor who rolled away just as the pastel coloured creation smashed down onto the floor.  
Nott slid behind Caleb and pulled out her bow, arrow point aiming first at the guard fighting Fjord, then at the one struggling on the floor as she tried to decide the bigger threat. Caleb whispered a few words and a dome of silence descended on both groups as the guard on the floor attempted to yell an alarm.   
Yasha sidled past her comrades and aimed an earth shattering punch at the head of the very confused and still downed guard who rolled again with a silent scream as the large woman’s fist broke no less than three floor tiles.   
Distracted by both the sudden quiet and the appearance of a spectral lollipop, the guard fighting Fjord swung wildly at him.   
Unfortunately for the guard, Fjord side stepped neatly and the armoured man fell forward, smashing his nose against the first of the steps.   
Beau leapt forward to knock the him out completely, but he recovered fast and fended her off with his short sword, keeping the distance between him and the attackers.   
Unfortunately for the man, Fjord was still at an advantage and he pirouetted away from the sword before thrusting his falchion into the man’s torso.   
Caduceus had casually wandered over to the guard still trying to brush away the beetles and was murmuring calming words to the thrashing man.   
The guard dodging Yasha’s fist and Jester’s lollipop found his feet and started to run for the edge of the spell, mouth open as he yelled for help despite the silence.   
He slid his way out of the spell as Jester’s lollipop smacked against the back of his head and he fell forward. He stopped sliding as his head thudded sharply into the wall and he lay still.   
The thrashing guard was still now and the beetles were slowly returning to Caduceus’ staff, leaving nothing more than an odd stain on the floor.   
“I can get some moss going to clear that up if you guys want?” The firbolg offered.   
“Maybe we should just do this for now.” Yasha said as she knelt beside him and used a spare cloth to wipe up the mess. As soon as she was done she gathered up the dead guard on the stairs and the possibly dead guard lying against the wall and hoisted them onto her shoulders, waiting to see what the next move should be.   
“We’d better find somewhere to stash these two,” Fjord said. “Check the rooms along this hallway, carefully! We’ll hide these two then take stock of where we are.”  
“I think this one looks good!” Caduceus said from the open door he was peering into. “Certainly seems safe.”  
“Good job man, everybody inside!”  
Fjord ushered the group in, eyeing Beau’s wound as she passed by and feeling reassured as Jester followed her while pulling bandages out of her pack.   
Certain that he could trust everyone to avoid another scene, he followed the group inside and closed the door quietly behind them all.   
“Everybody good?” He asked.   
“Oh yeah,” Caduceus replied. “All nine of us.”  
Fjord breathed a sigh of relief, then paused and mentally counted.   
“Wait, nine?”  
“Uh Fjord?” Came Beau’s voice. “We may have a problem.”  
Fjord looked towards the monk who pulled a curtain aside to reveal the person inside a large cage in a corner of the room.  
Behind the bars, looking at the group with astonishment, was the Ruby of the Sea.


	11. Tuskless Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a short one, apologies for that but I have a darn good excuse!
> 
> We spent some time in London checking out all the sights and stuff and I asked my girlfriend to marry me! And with exhibits like Body Worlds you can see why I'd be distracted. 
> 
> Also she's smoking hot!

“My darling, it wasn’t a dream then? You’re really here?” The red tiefling smiled and held out a hand as she spoke, as though wanting to touch Jester and confirm she was real.   
“That’s enough out of you!” Beau said firmly, throwing a large dust cover over the cage, Ruby and all.   
“Wait please! It’s really me!” The tiefling cried from behind the cover.   
“We’ve heard that enough times today.” Fjord grumbled.  
“Please, if I can just talk to Jester I’m sure…”  
“Come this way my dear,” Caleb murmured as he shooed Jester away from the cage, Nott taking her hand to lead her into a side room that held a porcelain bath.   
“You were caught when you were ten!”   
Jester stopped as the voice burst out from the cage. Nott tugged on her hand again but she held up a hand in a ‘wait’ gesture.   
“You were ten years old,” the Ruby continued. “And you were caught defacing the statue of the Raven Queen. You’d climbed all the way up the marble statue and was painting a large moustache on her upper lip when the clerics assistants saw you. They brought you home to me and the first thing you said was ‘If it hadn’t been for that tattletale bird I would have made her look awesome.’”  
Jester gasped. “Only mama would know that story.”  
“My darling, I’m so sorry but it is me, I know I’ve been terribly cruel but this entire thing has been part of an evil plan. I never even wanted you to come to Faerun.”  
“What are you talking about? Whose plan?” Yasha asked as she removed the cloth once again.   
The Ruby of the Sea had lost a lot of the presence that the group had seen before, Now she was cowed and bent in the small cage, looking afraid and desperate as she looked towards her daughter.   
Fjord took a step to put himself between the two women, then said “You claim that this whole thing was perpetrated against your will. Well how exactly have you been forced? Surely seeing your child in so much danger would cause you to want to fight back at least a little.”  
Erik’s head peeped out of the window of the room, slowly and taking in what he could without being too noticeable.   
The Ruby sighed a little as she spoke again. “I tried, I’ve tried so often and yet I can feel myself weakening every day. I’m not the one causing this conspiracy, even Lord Drylund isn’t clever enough for such a plot. We’re all fighting against something much, much worse.”  
“So it is a demon then?” Came Caduceus’ voice.  
“You what?” Erik yelped, closing the window again before his voice could carry. “This isn’t some horror poem from the bard’s college, this is real life.”  
“And demons do get about in this plane of existence as well.” The firbolg continued. “Many of them require an entryway of some kind, usually a living creature that is sacrificed in the name of whatever the caller is trying to get a hold of.”  
Jester’s hands flew to her cheeks in shock. “Mama, are you dead?”   
The Ruby gave a quiet chuckle and smiled. “No my darling child, I am well, but this creature has been using my body to pursue its evil plan. It wants a war to fill its greed and to revel in the pain it brings.”  
“Yeah that’s the thing about demons. They sure aren’t nice.” Caduceus said while nodding.  
“Is there any way we can get him out?” Jester asked, taking her mother’s hands through the bars of the cage. “Should we try and kick him out of you somehow?”  
“No my little love. There’s only one way to defeat the demon for good, you must find the reliquary he’s bound to and destroy it.”  
“What’s a reliquary?”  
“A relic is wery heavy if it’s made of stone!” Erik piped up.   
After a few moments of stony and confused looks, he turned back to the window to keep an eye on the castle guards outside.   
“Where can we find this reliquary? And how easy is it to destroy?” Fjord asked.  
“I’m sorry but I do not know, Lord Drylund purposefully hid it away from my sight so that I couldn’t get to it if I ever regained my body. To kill the demon along with the item, I believe it would take a tremendous amount of holy energy forced into it. You’d need to find a cleric or a paladin with access to such powers.”  
“Hey, I’m one of those!” Caduceus said happily.   
“Do you think you’d be able to help us with this big guy?” Fjord asked.   
“Sure can, I came here looking to deal with a high level of bad energy here, this might just be what I was looking for.”  
“So theoretically we could kill two birds with one stone here.”  
“I thought we were trying to kill demons.” Nott asked the room in general.   
Ignoring her, Fjord continued. “So for now you aren’t being controlled by this demon? It’s in this thing you mentioned?”  
“Yes, it looks like a glass cylinder with bronze caps on either end. It needs to stay in there for at least an hour every day or else it’ll weaken. I don’t know if it needs to be in there for the spell to work or not but your best bet is to get ahold of it. Once I have control of myself permanently again I can reveal Lord Drylund’s plans.”  
“Ok,” said Fjord with an air of determination. “We find this thing, we destroy it and the demon, release Mrs Lavorre and destroy that butthead’s reputation once and for all!”  
“How’s that for a slice of fried gold!” Nott squeaked.   
Caleb and Caduceus clapped politely while Beau and Erik whooped at the thought of literally fighting evil.   
Yasha turned towards the captive tiefling, still holding Jester’s hands and asked “How much longer do we have before this demon comes back to you?”  
“It should be back soon, you must have about ten minutes left now.”  
“We can get going to find some clues,” Fjord said. “Can you keep it from knowing we’ve been here?”  
“I can certainly do my best! You’ve been taking such good care of my little girl, could I presume to ask you to continue for a little longer?”   
“Of course, we’re lucky to have her helping us out.”   
Fjord and Jester’s eyes met and neither could help the smiles that bloomed on their lips.   
Looking at the two, Marion’s eyes lit up a little as she gave a small smile of her own.  
“The coast is clear out here.” Yasha said from the door. “If we’re going to move, we should go now.”  
“Wait!” Jester cried. “Caduceus, could you teach me how to do that cleric spell you were talking about?”  
“Maybe, we could certainly talk about how you’d be ready to try it.”  
“You just wait mama, I’m going to be the one to kill that demon and then throw Lord Drylund in the smelliest, biggest river of horse pee I can find!”


	12. Tuskless Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I'd leave Frumpkin out did you? He's such a handsome fellow!

Having made her vow, Jester left with the others calmly and filled with determination.   
As they left, Marion warned them to hide somewhere else until they were sure the demon had returned to her, then she would be used to continue making plans for the upcoming war.   
“We can work our way back to you once we’ve destroyed the reliquary.” Fjord said just before closing the door behind the group. “We’re not leaving you with him if we can possibly help it.”  
“Thank you Fjord, You will always be welcome in my home.”  
“Um.. thanks?”   
Fjord closed the door and headed after his comrades, who had ended up in some sort of bathroom if the scented bowls of water were anything to go by.  
“Nott that is not for drinking. Ok guys, we need to make a real plan here.”  
“Yeah,” Erik agreed. “What are we gonna call ourselves if we’re going to be doing great deeds and stuff?”  
“What? No, I mean-”  
“Oh so we count as like a party of adventurers now? That’s badass!” Beau said, giving a fist pump of celebration.   
“Guys, please. Can we focus on-”  
“We should definitely have a cool group name,” Jester interjected. “Then we don’t have to keep introducing ourselves individually and we can just be like “We are the Mighty Toadstools!” or something you know?”  
“Guys listen!”  
“Oh did you have a better idea Fjord?” Caduceus asked. “I like the thought of toadstools myself.”  
Everyone turned to look at him.  
“Yeah Fjord, pick something badass!” Beau said with a grin.  
“Nein nein nein, we should be called something descriptive.” Caleb argued.   
“Like… murder hobos?” Nott asked.  
“Definitely descriptive, but not really badass.” Erik pointed out. “C’mon Fjord, pick a name and you know we’ll behave ourselves afterward.”  
“Mostly.” Jester added with a sweet grin.   
“Maybe.” Beau smirked.  
Fjord looked from one face to another and sighed, finally admitting defeat.   
Looking back up, Caleb shrugged. One man resigned to his fate acknowledging another.   
Feeling a burst of inspiration, Fjord stood a little straighter and said “Alright, what’s the Mighty Nein’s plan?”  
The group whooped and cheered quietly in the room even as Caduceus confusedly pointed out that there were only eight of them.   
The Mighty Nein put their heads together and came up with several plans, each more ridiculous than the last. Then Caleb pointed something out.   
“There’s only one person who would want access to the reliquary, let alone knowledge of where it is. That would be Lord Drylund himself. Why do we not investigate his room?”  
“Does anyone know where it is?” Fjord asked.   
The other members of the group shook their heads. No one had a clue.   
“Alright well, that presents the first problem. We need to find out where he is without arousing suspicion. Does anyone have any ideas?”  
Nott and Caleb gave each other a significant Look until Caleb sighed and held up a hand.   
“I do believe I have something we could try.” He said, performing some arcane movements of his hands and causing a puff of smoke to appear.   
When the smoke cleared, a small bengal cat was sitting primly on the stone floor.   
“I can send him and look through his eyes to tell you guys what I see, but I warn you that I will not be able to hear or see you while I am doing this.”  
“Alright, we can keep you safe while we hide out in here and move you along if we need to make a break for it.”  
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Jester piped up. “And I made this sign for the door!”   
The blue tiefling held up a sign that read “Out of Order, Please use a tree or something thank you very much.” The last few words were crammed together as she’d started to run out of space to write on.   
“It’ll have to do. Alright. Nott, you put this on the door without anyone seeing you while the cat goes and looks for the room.”  
“Frumpkin.” Caleb said.   
“Gesundheit. Once we find it we map out the route we’ll take based on Caleb’s observations, then we move QUIETLY and CAREFULLY to get there, no wild behaviour. Got it?”  
Everyone nodded assent and Caleb petted his cat.   
“Alright mein freund, let’s find this asshole.”   
Almost immediately, his eyes turned a pale white and Frumpkin stepped neatly over to the door where Nott was ready with the sign.  
Peeking her head out, she stage-whispered “All clear!” and hung the sign on the doorknob. Waiting until the cat had stepped out, Nott closed the door once more and sat next to Caleb.   
Caleb spoke in a sleepwalker like voice as he relayed what he was seeing.   
He went along the rooms in the rest of the corridor and used Frumpkin’s sense of smell to try and find Lord Drylund’s. There was a slight scent of him in a room that reeked of Laeral, but he wasn’t present there and the bedroom standing off of the main room was entirely hers.   
“I’m glad she’s not stupid enough to sleep with the guy.” Beau muttered.   
The second room smelled strongly of Marion, but when Caleb described it they realised it was the same room where they’d found her caged.   
“This isn’t looking good.” Fjord muttered.   
“I have found some steps.” Caleb mumbled. “I’m going to see what’s up there.”   
It turned out to be a tall tower with two rooms present. One was filled with beauty products and hair pieces, smelling so strongly that Caleb and Frumpkin sneezed in unison three times before they could try the last room.   
“Jackpot!” Caleb said as he saw through the cat’s eyes the familiar sigil of Yartar on an expensive looking cloak that was draped over a short chair. “Upper tower, On the right. His banner is there so it should be either his room or his little minion’s.”  
“Let’s go check it out!”  
Leading the way, Caleb peered around every corner as stealthily as he could. Fjord behind him in case of guards and the others trailing a couple at a time.   
Luckily for the Nein, the guards were bustling along their own tasks and hadn’t yet changed shifts, which meant the missing guards had yet to be noticed.   
Taking their opportunity, the group made their way swiftly to the tower and Nott used her lockpick to gain entry to the room.   
“What are we looking for? Yasha asked as soon as the door was firmly closed and relocked by Nott.   
“Anything that can tell us where the reliquary is or evidence to prove he’s starting a war. One would help us deal with all our problems at once and the other would back us up while we get some help. Just see what you can find and we’ll go over what looks useful.”  
Nott and Caduceus found letters to Vindeus demanding that he track and kill the group of merchants led by an orc.   
While it could be useful to prove Lord Drylund had a vendetta against Torgan it wasn’t a huge help.   
Fjord, Beau, Erik and Jester found caches of money and gems that they mostly returned.  
Caleb and Yasha were distracted by a pile of spell books and keeping a lookout for Drylund’s return respectively.   
Fjord was just starting to get frustrated with the whole search when Frumpkin scratched at the floor and mewled.  
“What is it leibling?” Caleb asked as he bent down. A moment later, he put his hand down and pressed it against the rug, muttering.   
“Is it something interesting?” Caduceus asked, leaning over the shabby wizard.   
“There’s a hidden space under here, I can feel a protective spell but I think I can disarm it.”  
“Let me look.” Nott said. “If there’s any physical traps I might be able to deal with them.”  
Pulling the rug carefully out of the way, Nott used her dagger to lift a loose square of wood that revealed a secret space underneath.   
Caleb used his hands and a few strange items from his belt pouch to remove the magical protections as Nott worked on the odd strings and weights in the space.   
As the two worked in practiced tandem, the springs and marks of the traps dissipated and released gently until a small chest was revealed.   
Lifting carefully, Nott picked up the chest and handed it up to Fjord.   
Looking inside, he found a thick key and a small vial of something coloured black.   
“Any ideas?” He asked Caduceus, holding it out to the Firbolg.   
“Nothing good. I’d even go so far as to say that it has something to do with Lord Drylund’s little friend. Maybe some kind of potion to manipulate folks or connect with the demon itself.”  
“Whatever it is we shouldn’t leave it for him to use. Perhaps we can-”  
“Guys! We have incoming!” Yasha hissed from the doorway.   
“Shit, everyone hide! Nott, Caleb, can you reset those traps?” Fjord asked, handing the chest back as he pocketed the contents.   
The pair had the space reset within moments. Everyone else scutting under or into whatever space would hide them.   
As soon as they were finished, Fjord shooed Caleb and Nott under the bed and then looked around quickly for his own hiding space as the sound of footsteps started up the stairs.  
“Fjord, in here!” Came Jester’s voice. He turned to see her leaning out of a small wardrobe and beckoning for him to join her.   
He leapt forward and quietly closed the wardrobe door behind him as the door to the room creaked open.   
Heart thumping, Fjord’s eyes met Jester’s in the confined space of the wardrobe. Pressing gently against each other as they hid from Lord Drylund.


	13. Tuskless Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord and Jester are trapped in a closet! No space whatsoever between them! ......well if you're in that position anyway you might as well have fun with it.

Fjord caught his breath as the sounds of Lord Drylund muttering to himself came closer and closer.   
His heart was pounding in his chest so hard he wondered if Jester was going to end up with a bruise on her own.   
He very quickly realised he shouldn’t have thought of that as he now had Jester’s chest in his mind.  
The tiefling sharing almost all of his personal space shifted her position. She was now sharing all of his personal space and there was some definite rubbing going on.   
It took everything he had to make Fjord pay attention to what was OUTSIDE the wardrobe.   
Lord Drylund was opening drawers and muttering to himself as he went.   
“Bloody pay him a damn fortune to stick around and he buggers off at the worst possible moment, probably torturing a cat the filthy little half bred bastard!”  
The steps came closer to the wardrobe and Fjord felt a surge of adrenaline as his body reacted to the possible danger.   
A moment later, the steps turned away and started towards the corner of the room.   
Fjord breathed out a heavy sigh and felt Jester’s hand stroke his chest. He looked down as best he could and looked into her bright eyes gazing up at him questioningly.   
With a nod of assurance, he shifted his weight and wrapped an arm around Jester’s waist to support the both of them without making too much noise.   
It seemed like a good idea until he realised that made everything that had been slightly pressing against him press against him even more.  
Trying to distract his wild thoughts, he focused on Lord Drylund, who was now talking to someone as if they were in the room with him.   
“Hello? It’s me, I haven’t found him yet. He must still be down there with the bloody nuisances. I don’t know, breaking bits off of them? I don’t ask him how he does his job.”  
Unbeknownst to Fjord, Jester had been feeling awfully warm as well. His arm around her waist reminded her of the last time he had his arms around her and made a very mischievous thought run through her head.   
It was the kind of thought that made all her other thoughts line up and say “Do it!” with wicked grins on their faces.   
She laid her hand flat on Fjord’s chest, then slid it downwards gently towards his breeches.   
Fjord had focused all his attentions on Lord Drylund who was now giving a report on some sort of setup he was preparing in Goldenfields.   
He raised his voice as whoever he was speaking to gave him disappointing news.   
Fjord realised where Jester’s hand was going just as Lord Drylund became extremely angry and it was only the luck of fate that saw the man’s shout covering the half-orc’s yelp of surprise.   
“I don’t CARE if he’s asking for more, he’s the best and we need him! Just give him what he wants!”  
Fjord wanted to grab Jester’s hands away from his pants.   
To do so would have caused the wardrobe to be jogged about enough to reveal their presence.   
If he didn’t stop her, he was almost certain he was going to make a noise that would also reveal their presence.   
That being said, it did feel nice to have her face nuzzling his chest and her hand rubbing against the front of his crotch.   
As the human outside the wardrobe continued to rant, a little of Jester’s mischief seemed to spill out into Fjord and he tugged the ties of his breeches open for her.   
Lord Drylund had switched to ranting about getting supplies to Nightstone before the next step.  
The half-orc could practically feel Jester’s smile against his chest as she brushed butterfly kisses over his neck.   
At the same time, she used her fingertips to feel for his length and coax it into hardening for her.   
Turning his head a little, Fjord found a shoulder pad attached to some ugly shirt or another and bit down on it. He shifted his hand downwards so he could stroke around Jester’s tail.   
“I don’t CARE if they were there first, they can take their sacred grounds with them if they want for all I care, just get to those tunnels!”  
Jester wrapped her long fingers around Fjord’s shaft and let her thumb rub against his head.   
He let his fingers caress her body as best he could reach between the fastenings of her dress.   
“So kill them! Who’s going to notice if you let the gold flow? Just let money talk and stop bringing this nonsense to my ears!”  
She was pumping slowly now, long lazy strokes up and down while she licked and nipped at his throat.   
Fjord wanted to growl with pleasure, the danger was so close but she felt so good as she held him firmly.   
“I’ll have the gold sent out tomorrow, just wait till then and tell them you’re considering things. Make up some rubbish about liking children or something and not wanting them to be hurt.”  
She was moving faster now, Fjord’s hand had moved underneath her skirts to return the favour. Every now and then she would bite down on his collarbone to keep her pleased squeaks from leaving her mouth.  
“Well tell them it’s not their land anymore it’s mine! I will not have anyone taking what’s mine!”  
Jester was holding down on Fjord’s flesh now, biting hard enough to make him moan quietly, deep in his throat as both their hands worked. His teeth were tearing into the shirt with alarming speed and he was half praying that he wouldn’t rip the garment too loudly before he was done.   
“I. Do. Not. Care!”  
Both their hands were working in time, the smallest of whimpers bursting forth from their throats as they each started to reach their peak.   
“What’s mine is mine and both my property and me WILL be respected! Understand?”  
Realising something in his fogged brain, Fjord grabbed a particularly glittery cloak from its hanger and held it over his manhood as Jester pushed him to climax. He kept enough presence of mind to keep his hand moving, exploring and exciting every inch of her he could reach until she was gasping out her own pleasure onto his throat,   
“So long as we all know who is the boss around here!” Lord Drylund snapped, abruptly ending the conversation and stomping towards the door again.   
In the dark of the wardrobe, Fjord and Jester caught each other’s eye in the gloom.   
“You’re the creme de la creme Drylund.” The human told himself as he artfully tousled his hair in the mirror. “You’ll be covered in the riches of men soon enough.”  
It took everything the two lovers had not to burst into hysterical giggles as the door of the room was opened and shut.   
They carefully put themselves in order and waited until they heard the sounds of the others emerging from their own hiding spaces.   
Adjusting their clothes one last time, Fjord and Jester stepped quietly out of the wardrobe and looked round at the others for confirmation that all was well.  
Beau stepped towards the door and opened it without a sound to peer into the hallway.   
A moment later, she gave a nod and shut the door again.   
“Ok, we better look for clues, fast. He could be back at any moment.” Fjord watched as everyone rushed to follow his orders, then bent over the large desk in one corner of the room while Caduceus peered underneath.   
Fjord rifled through a pile of papers when he heard the firbolg sniffing.   
A moment later, Caduceus stood up and snuffled at the air around Fjord’s head.   
Fjord gave him a puzzled look as the cleric blinked, then grinned at him.   
It took the half orc a second to realise the knowing nature of the smirk but as soon as he realised he scowled.  
“Just go look over there, and shut up!”  
Caduceus moved over to the four poster bed and started to run his hands underneath the frame, laughing all the while.


	14. Tuskless Watchdog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang have found a way to the reliquary! No reason to expect anything bad keeping this stuff safe.

Caduceus had a lot more discretion than Fjord could have hoped for and he refused to explain why he was laughing to the point that he separated himself from the others to look through a large bookcase that took up the entirety of one wall.   
Erik had sidled up to Fjord and was muttering questions to him that the half orc was doing his best to ignore.   
“Well I mean there was just the two of you in there, so it has to be something to do with you and Jester.”  
“Seriously dude drop it, we have to look for a demon so we kind of need to concentrate.”  
“I am concentrating, but I’m also busting your chops because it’s what I do. Did you get a bit rubbed up against her in there? Seems like a pretty small space.”  
Fjord shushed Erik and couldn’t help a quick glance towards Jester who was giggling about something with Beau as they rummaged through a clothes chest at the end of the bed.   
“No one blames you man, I mean she’s hot!” Erik continued with a grin.   
“Look, if I promise to give you more details later will you stop talking about it for now?”  
“Maybe. You’ll have to try it to find out.”   
“Goddamn bards.”  
The voice of the firbolg cleric disturbed the group.   
“Now that’s a cool feature!”  
Every head in the room turned towards the bookcase, which had pulled away from the wall and stood open revealing a secret stairway leading down.  
“I think this could be it guys. Last chance to turn back.”  
“Not a chance!” Came Jester’s fierce answer.   
“I could be persuaded.” Erik said with a grin.   
“Actually I need to go home and turn off the oven, I think I left a baumkuchen in there.” Caleb pointed out.   
As one, the rest of the Nein turned to give him varying levels of puzzled looks.   
“Oh, the bard is the only one able to make jokes?” The shabby wizard grumbled, holding Frumpkin in his arms and concentrating on scritching the cat between his shoulder blades.   
“Maybe we should get going.” Fjord suggested, drawing his sword and stepping onto the first of the steps.   
“I’ll take up the rear, I can close the ‘door’ behind us.” Erik offered.  
“I thought it was a very funny joke, it made me laugh!” Nott said as she commiserated her friend.   
“Out loud?” Caleb asked.  
“Well, no. I didn’t want to look like an idiot.”  
The sound of the wizard’s quiet grumbling followed the Nein down the steps as they descended into the darkness below. 

The passageway was dark and extremely ominous.   
It may have been the atmosphere that suggested a place no duster had ever visited, or it may have been the various species of creature that had donated arms to act as torch holders.   
Fjord had started to reach for one with his free hand, then recoiled sharply as he recognized dragonborn scales on flesh that was started to slough away after who knew how much time down here.   
“Do you think any of these are tieflings?” Jester asked, pressing up against Beau who was holding her hand tightly as the two women stepped down.   
“I think these are every kind of person.” Nott whimpered, eyeing a halfling’s arm with a distinctive tattoo on the wrist.   
“Try not to let it get to you,” Fjord said as he eyed a green, well muscled arm that reminded him of his father in the worst way. “There might be something else down here on guard duty, we should be prepared for anything.”  
“I hope it isn’t zombie hyenas or anything gross.” Beau said, wrinkling her nose in disgust as a rat scuttled across the stairs and disappeared into a bolt hole in the wall.  
The Nein continued down the steps, looking every which way they could see for traps or enemies.   
The lower they got, the more mouldering the arms. By the time they hit a solid floor, there was nothing but bones and wire holding the torches in place.   
Fjord waited until the whole group was down before he asked Caleb to set up some lights.   
“I do not like how quiet it is down here.” Caleb muttered as he sent small globes of light flying from his palm to illuminate the large room.   
It was such a large room that the light didn’t reach the edges. There was only the centre, where the Nein stood at the bottom of the large staircase and a marble column, upon which sat a locked glass chest.   
Within it, was a glass cylinder with bronze caps on either end.   
“There it is!” Jester hissed, pointing at it.   
“We could just grab it and run!” Suggested Nott.   
“No one is grabbing anything until we’re sure it’s safe.” Fjord said sternly. “I’ll go ahead, Nott you come close behind and check for traps with me, when we’re sure it’s safe we’ll all go over and see what we want to do.”  
“We can protect the rear till you say we’re safe.” Erik confirmed, pulling his bow out and holding it ready while the others followed suit with their own weapons and peered into the surrounding darkness.  
Fjord checked that Nott was behind him, nodded to her, then took a step forward.  
THOOOOM  
Fjord paused. That didn’t seem right.   
“You really should be stealthier Fjord,” said Nott. “You’ll bring the whole castle down on us doing that.”  
“That wasn’t me…. I don’t think.”   
Fjord lifted his next foot and with extreme slowness, placed his toe down on the floor.   
THOOOOOOOM!  
“How in the hell…!?”  
“Maybe you gained weight? What have you been eating?”  
“Goddammit Nott I have not been-”  
A loud, roaring shriek sounded through the still air, shaking the very stones the party stood upon.   
“Please tell me you’ve been dieting and that was your stomach?” Nott begged.   
A rapid series of booming thuds followed in quick succession as something came towards them.   
Nott and Fjord stepped back towards the group as a rumbling growl hinted at something alive stalking them.   
“Look sharp,” Fjord said. “It could be something big, like an owlbear. Or a…”  
A large red and black head loomed out of the dark as the owner glared at the group.   
A moment passed as everyone processed what they were seeing, until Erik felt compelled to whisper the conclusion everyone had come to.   
“It’s a motherfucking T Rex….”  
The beast growled low in its throat as it eyed the group. Fjord put a hand slowly out to the others.   
“Let’s just slowly move backwards, towards the stairs… then we can-”  
Nott interrupted Fjord with a high pitched shriek and a sudden burst of speed in the opposite direction of the dinosaur.  
With a roar, the tyrannosaurus lunged at the others who scattered to all sides.  
Beau leapt for the dinosaur’s head and felt the cloth of her shirt tear as the beast tried to catch her in its teeth. With a wrench, she dragged herself over its head and clung for a moment to its back, hoping for some kind of idea for her next move to come to her.   
Caleb looked towards the hurriedly racing Nott then raised his hand and sent a streak of fire to the tyrannosaurus’ face, causing it to halt in its charge and screech in pain.   
Yasha pulled out her own sword and stabbed it into the dinosaur’s foot, twisting it as best she could between the armoured scales.   
Jester raced around the creature, giving it a wide berth as she chased after Nott.   
The T-rex, roaring as it raged against its attackers, swung its blunt snout down towards Fjord just as he swung upwards at it with his falchion, chopping the very tip of its muzzle off entirely.  
Nott continued to race away but in her haste, she missed the large white rock at her feet and slammed face first into the ground. Jester was quickly on top of her and went to grab at her tiny friend, calling assurances as she did so.   
Erik took aim and fired a bolt at the creature’s eye just as it swung around in pain, sending the arrow flying wild.   
Caduceus murmured something and threw a flash of fire at the dinosaur, who swung back again just as he fired, missing the blast.   
The tyrannosaurus leant forward and opened its mouth to snap at Caleb, who was spinning on his heel to run. He twisted a little too far and slammed down onto his back just as the dinosaur realised it had a sword in its foot and leant too far forward, crashing its jaw down on top of the wizard.  
Thrashing in rage, the beast’s tail flew towards Nott, who was pulled into a prone position by Jester. The two women felt the whack of air as the limb flew above their heads.   
The shaking caused Beau to slip a little, losing her grip until she found a hold between two scales and smashed a fist into what felt like a softer part of the body.  
The beast opened its mouth and roared, unwittingly giving Caleb the chance to wriggle out from underneath its jaw and roll away.   
Yasha snatched her sword out of the monster’s flesh and started to leap away, not seeing the clawed arms of the tyrannosaurus until it was too late and a talon raked through her back, leaving a red trail of pain.   
Jester pushed herself upright and started to yell out an attack of her own, immediately being silenced as the tail swung back and smashed into her chest, sending her flying across the room and flopping down onto the floor very still.   
“JESTER!” Fjord yelled, dropping his guard as he saw her getting hit. The beast clashed its teeth together and snapped at him as it tried to raised itself up.  
Fjord pulled back and only felt the hit as he looked down at his forearm and saw the chunk of flesh now missing from it.   
Nott whimpered and tried to shuffle along the floor towards Jester without being seen by the creature still snarling and struggling to rise.   
Erik took another arrow from his quiver and as he loaded it felt the impact as the beast’s head swung back and sent him on a similar trajectory to Jester in a puff of feathers.   
Caduceus started to call out a healing prayer for the wounded group, until the teeth of the tyrannosaurus clashed onto him, prevented from closing by a hurried protection spell that encased the firbolg in a magic force. A moment later, he vanished from sight.   
Enraged at the pain already wrought upon it and the loss of one of his meals, the creature swung its massive jaws at Yasha, aiming to bite her in half as the barbarian leapt nimbly backwards and banged on the injured snout with the hilt of her sword.   
Beau held on as another bout of shaking almost knocked her down, luckily the creature’s movements were starting to become more sluggish.   
Nott ducked the wildly swinging tail and aimed a haphazard crossbow bolt at the monster just as she reached Jester. “It’s getting weaker! Kill it kill it!”  
Erik blearily pulled himself upright and looked at the dinosaurs, which had doubled in his vision.  
“‘M on it!” He yelled back, taking careful aim with his bow and knocking a torch out of its arm holder.  
The dinosaur glared at him and went to bite at him again, pulling back as Fjord pulled himself onto its muzzle and stabbed between the creature’s eyes.   
With a roar, the monster smashed itself against the staircase in an effort to remove the creatures causing it such pain.  
Beau finally lost her grip and was forced to roll herself out of danger as she hit the ground.   
Caleb tried to cast another fireball, but after being so squashed he found himself conjuring a bunch of flowers by accident.  
Yasha raced forward and thrust her sword under the creature’s chin and up into it’s palate.  
The roars turned into screeches again as the tyrannosaurus felt itself starting to bleed out.   
Gripping with his legs, Fjord held onto the neck of the creature and used both arms to raise his falchion and smash it down with all of his strength into the beast’s head.   
With a shudder and a rattling groan, the monster slumped to the floor and expired in a bloody mess on the floor.   
Fjord wiggled his sword to free it from the corpse and heaved a huge breath in relief. A moment later, he leapt from the giant lizard and raced over towards Jester.   
“Is she alright?” He asked Nott, who was bent over the tiefling.   
“She’s ok.” Jester mumbled, rubbing her head. “But I think there might be a hamster unicorn running through my brain.”  
“Well better that than a dinosaur again.” Fjord said, helping her up.   
Caduceus moved through the group, casting healing spells for everyone who’d taken a hit.   
Jester realised there was a wet patch on Fjord’s arm and grasped his bicep with a yelp of surprise.  
“You’re hurt!” She exclaimed.  
“I can barely feel it, don’t even worry.”  
“That’s not a good thing you know!” Jester said with a slight glare. She put her free hand onto his wrist and started to use her magical skills to heal the wound.   
Fjord smiled gently as he watched her work.  
“Don’t touch that till I’ve checked for traps!” Nott screeched. Everyone’s head turned to see the tiny goblin rushing towards Caleb who had approached the glass chest.   
“It’s good they look out for each other.” Jester said wistfully. “It must be nice to have someone there by your side the whole time.”  
“You sound like you’re pretty fond of the whole traditional relationship thing.”  
“Oh I don’t know, I mean I’d have to meet someone who wanted to marry me and wanted to go on dates preferably to pastry shops and things.”  
Fjord smiled as she rambled about things she enjoyed doing. Without it being a conscious thought, he placed his uninjured hand on top of hers.   
“We’re gonna get out from this guy’s clutches at some point.” He said. “Afterwards, if you don’t have anything to do…. Would you maybe want to…?”  
“DROP IT OR I KILL YOU ALL!”  
Nott was swatting at the rest of the group who were trying to point out that the key they’d found might be the best way to open the chest. Determined to open it safely, Nott had clambered onto the chest and was curled around it while trying to pick the lock.   
Jester giggled while she finished with Fjord’s arm, giving his hand one last squeeze before releasing him.  
“We have a lot to fix before we can think of bakeries, but if we get the chance to eat pastries before then, I would really like that Fjord.”  
“It’s a date.” He chuckled back.   
Jester grinned and went over to watch Beau trying to poke Nott off the chest with her staff.   
Fjord watched her walk away with a grin on his face.  
“You two make a lovely couple.”   
Fjord made a strangled noise and spun round at the disembodied voice.   
With a shimmer, Caduceus became visible again. Watching the shenanigans around the chest and smiling happily.   
“Please don’t do that again!” Fjord begged.   
“Compliment you?”  
“No the- you know what, never mind. You think I have a shot?”  
“Why not? She obviously likes you. Plus you like her, from what I hear that’s a great starting point.”  
“Yeah, I just worry that she’s going to want to go back with her mother and then I know my family will want me back with them…”  
“Maybe you should cross that bridge when you come to it, or set up a teleportation circle.”  
“That’s a bit out of the blue, what made you think of that?”  
“The teleportation circle over there.”  
“Wait, what?”  
Caduceus took Fjord’s hand and led him to a corner where the remains of some poor humanoid were crumpled over golden lines laid into the floor.   
“It looks like a way of getting through this room without being trapped by the guard dog. Good for maintenance.”  
“Caleb will know, smart thinking Caduceus, we may be able to use this.”  
Nott crowed in delight as she declared the chest safe and watched her friend unlock it.  
“Hold on a sec, no one touch the reliquary yet!” Fjord called. “Caleb, come over here and see what you can work out about this.”  
The wizard took his time poring over the markings and told the others that it was set up for a one way trip out of the room.   
“I believe it is most likely that the asshole was hoping to grab the reliquary while distracting the beast with some victims, then use this to escape with his demonic friend back to Yartar.” He explained.   
“Makes sense,” Caduceus added. “You wouldn’t want to keep a thing like this where anyone could make use of it. There’s some bad energy coming from it.”  
“And it’s probably got some kind of alarm set up on it.” Fjord said. “I think the best plan is for us to stand in the circle, start the invocation to leave, then Beau grabs the reliquary, joins us and we destroy the circle at the other end.”  
“Why don’t we just go back up the stairs?” Jester asked.   
“Well if the alarm’s raised about us escaping by now, that means a lot more guards ready to attack on sight looking for us. Not only that but if that thing is alarmed or marked in some way we’ll be spotted in moments and I for one do not know where we should be running to in this place. We may be going into the unknown here but at least we know we’ll be less expected.”  
“And then we run?” Nott asked.   
“Most likely. Everybody up for this?”  
The group nodded affirmation.   
“Alright, Beau, get to the reliquary and do not touch it! Wait for the signal. Caleb, as soon as she’s in place we start this thing. How long will it take us to go?”  
“The incantation should take one minute, no longer. Then we must all be in the circle entirely.”  
“You hear that Beau? No distractions. Everybody ready?”  
The group huddled together a little closer, Jester opting to stand behind Nott at the edge of the circle, so she could comfort the goblin after her shock.   
“There space for Beau to jump in? Ok, On three guys, One, two, three!”  
Caleb moved his hands over the golden marks, muttering arcane words to himself as he moved.   
Beau snatched the reliquary up into her hand and held it like a baton as she raced to the circle and somersaulted neatly into place.   
The marks started to glow and Fjord found himself thinking “We could be going somewhere safe, this could be the end of it! All of it! We’re going to be alright.”  
The thoughts left his head as a blur of white and gold appeared from the darkness.   
The half elf Vindeus came into focus as the light around the marks started to shimmer.   
Fjord opened his mouth as the villain’s hand reached for Jester’s shoulder, ready to pull her out of the circle and back into the grasp of Lord Drylund.   
Her name flew from Fjord’s lips in a flash of feathers as Erik leapt from the circle and landed on the half elf with a screech.   
The group turned to look in surprise as Fjord raised a hand and started to shout “NO!” Before the circle flashed with light and the scenery changed around them.


	15. Tuskless Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nein have lost one fo their number (though no treally cause OCs but you know what I mean), now they need to think about how to go forward to take down their enemies! But first, hugs.

Fjord stepped forward onto dry grass that rustled under his shoe. A bright blue sky seemed to smile mockingly down at him.   
A voice behind him said his name and Fjord swung around with startling speed and grabbed Caleb by his lapels.   
“Get us back there now!”  
The shabby wizard winced as the snarling half orc crushed his throat a little in the tight grip.   
“I can’t.” He spluttered in reply. “The circle only works one way, if we leave it that evil elf man will follow right behind us.”  
“I don’t care, make it work!”  
“Put him down you’re hurting him!” That was Nott, squeaking from somewhere around knee level.   
A pair of thick, strong arms wrapped around his shoulders in a half nelson as Yasha gently started to pull Fjord away.   
“We can’t leave him there, we have to help him!”  
“Fjord…”  
That was Beau from somewhere behind him. She sounded so quiet and sad that Fjord’s eyes started to prickle. He growled angrily at the show of weakness.   
“He needs our help!”  
“So do a lot of others, will you damn them too?” Caleb asked, wrenching Fjord’s hands from his coat.   
In his mind, Fjord thought it a stupid question. Of course he’d damn the world if it meant keeping his family safe.   
What was the point of the world otherwise?  
He struggled against Yasha’s grip again until a pair of soft hands pressed gently against his cheeks.   
Jester was suddenly there, staring into his eyes as she stroked his face.   
“I’m so sorry Fjord. I don’t know what any of us can say to make this better, but I can promise you if there’s any way we can get him back home safe with us we can do it! We’re a team and we can beat this thing! Do you hear me?”  
Looking into her eyes, Fjord could see tears starting to form even as she spoke with such ferocity. He remembered her mother, trapped as an unwilling puppet for the very creature that had caused this whole mess.   
Suddenly, the half orc felt ashamed of thinking only of himself, terrified for his friend and Jester’s mother and so very tired.   
Letting his body slump a little in Yasha’s grip, he sighed heavily.   
“I’m sorry Jester, sorry Caleb and… and everyone. I just… I’m…”  
Jester shushed him and pulled him out of Yasha’s grip and into her own arms, where she held him tightly and stroked his hair.   
“Let’s give them a moment while I work on this thing.” Caleb suggested. The group dispersed around the two, who were already lost in their own bubble of thought.   
For a few moments, the two just stood. The sense of loss was overwhelming and it took everything they had to find the strength to talk again.   
“I know how you feel, they’ve had my mother in their jail for so long now.”  
Fjord took a deep breath. “I know, I just don’t understand how you’ve kept yourself going this long.”  
Jester smiled. “It’s easier when you have someone helping you, and we’re here to help you.”  
“Thank you. I really do appreciate it, but it just reminds me that he’s there alone and Erik… well Erik has a mouth that hasn’t so much kept him out of trouble as caused a ton. With that creepy asshole fighting against him too…”  
“He’s not stupid Fjord, he knows what we’re fighting for and he cares for you! I’m sure he’d much rather you be safe where he can’t see than all of us trapped in danger together. All we can do now is kick some butt and take our family back by force!”  
Fjord gazed at the tiefling’s fierce face and came to a decision. “Well now we know who the strong one is in this relationship.”  
“Oooh so we’re in a relationship now?” She teased. “Mother will be happy to hear!”  
“Alright alright, let’s get on to the next step.”  
The group came together once more ready and raring to go.   
“The teleportation circle will no longer work.” Caleb assured everyone. “If someone tries to use it they’ll have a fiery surprise waiting for them. I hope that the half elf tries it first.”  
“Yasha and I have a protective bag for the reliquary.” Caduceus added. “If anyone looks in they’ll see mushrooms before they even glimpse that thing.”  
“Could we destroy it and end everything?” Fjord asked.  
“Not really, after looking at it I can say that it’s the item holding the demon here. It’s not the one thing the demon needs to manifest here, so if we do destroy it the butthead could attach itself to a sacrifice next.”  
“We cannot let that happen. Alright, there is something we could try, but I wouldn’t want to go ahead unless everyone’s up for it.”  
“Well don’t keep us in suspense.” Beau said, leaning on her staff. “Is it a storm the castle situation or a murder in the dark moment?”  
“My suggestion is more of a trade off.”  
The group became silent as they stared at the half orc.  
“You have to be joking.” Nott drawled.   
“Not quite. We have something they want, they have people we want back among us. So we offer them the reliquary in exchange for Erik and Jester’s mother.”  
“Is that not the very thing we don’t want to happen?” Yasha asked. “If they get hold of the demon’s plaything then they can destroy everything around them as and when they please. It’ll be less subtle than what they planned before but I doubt they’d mind at that point.”  
“That’s true, which is why we’ll start the whole deal as a simple trade, get Lord Drylund to agree to meet us somewhere he can’t bring an army against us and we offer him the reliquary’s location in exchange for our friends.”  
“Where are we going to hide the thing to cause the most trouble?” Caduceus asked.   
“We’ll hide it somewhere no one goes, like buried in the earth or dropped in a deep lake. That way, even if the demon returns to it there’s no way it can return to another person before we’re ready to deal with it.”  
“Why not just destroy the thing right away,” Beau pointed out. “We destroy the demon and it’s little hidey hole and bam! Saved the world from King Drymouth.”  
“But it would cost us our friends. Could you live with the knowledge that we saved the day at the expense of Erik and Mrs Lavorre?”  
Beau looked away, frowning.   
“My point is, if we can arrange a trade we can get our friends back. But that’s not the end of my plan. I suggest that we take the real reliquary to someone somewhere who can destroy it completely, the way Caduceus was talking about.”  
“I know of a couple of temples that would have the capability.” The firbolg confirmed.   
“Then when our friends are safe with us, we destroy it, leave Lord Drylund with nothing. Whatever fallout comes after that we can deal with once we have help from Jester’s mother. With her pull we can get our story across. The reliquary we send him and his men towards will be a fake we create.”  
“So who goes where?” Beau asked.   
“I would suggest most of us take the reliquary to the temple. The more of us protecting it the easier it’ll be to reach our goal. Then I would say Jester and Yasha leave with the fake to dump it somewhere hidden so we can sell it as the real one.”  
Jester looked at Fjord with knitted brows. “But.. why am I going?”  
“Because after you leave us, you’re going back with my parents into hiding. So that not even we know where you are.”


	16. Tuskless Parting of the Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of the second book! Dun dun duuuuunnnnnnnn! I'm going to put the final parts of everything in the last book which will continue after the holidays.   
> It's super busy at work this time of year so I'm going to let that die down a little, get some real rest and then I'll be back with the ending.   
> Hopefully it won't be too cruddy for you guys but if I wait till I've recovered a bit I should be able to bring something halfway decent for you.   
> Have a good holiday you guys! Be sure and spend it with people you like, or buy yourself an entire chocolate log and eat it in front of your favourite tv show yelling "Screw tradition!"

“Why would you want me to leave? I thought we’d fixed things between us again!” Jester asked, her breathing becoming heavier and a little ragged as she spoke.   
“I saw today how much it messed with me when you got hurt. I can’t risk letting you get captured or someone else being killed just to keep you from harm.”  
“So let me protect myself! I can do it.”  
“I know, but it looks like Drylund is going to be pulling out the big guns from now on and I can’t go all out when I’m worrying about what’s happening to you.”  
“Nice of him to care so much about the rest of us.” Nott muttered behind her hand.   
“I can protect myself Fjord! And everyone else has been helping us get through this so why can’t we continue?”  
“Because I don’t know how I can if you get killed!”  
Jester’s mouth opened and closed as she searched for something to say.   
“I know you can take care of yourself in a fight, I really do.” Fjord said, grabbing her by her forearms and staring into her eyes. “But I also know Drylund is not going to let you go easily. It is messing with me horrendously to know that he has Erik, I can’t imagine what I would do if he got to you too.”  
Jester sighed heavily. “I don’t want you all to go into this alone and I don’t want to lose any of you either! How do you think I feel not seeing what’s happening to you?”  
“I think you’d be a lot safer and feel less inclined to run into danger if we all dealt with this mess then came back to get you afterwards. Listen to me, I can’t do this is you get hurt. But if you survive this, I have something to come back to. I know I can save Erik and your mother and we could all escape but if we’re supposed to be the ones to thwart an entire conspiracy against the world? I need to be a little selfish for that.”  
Jester puffed out her cheeks in frustration. “You are selfish.”  
“I am.”  
“And your plan sucks.”  
“I’m sure it does.”  
“I don’t want to go.”   
“I don’t either, but I need to know you’re safe.”   
Jester sniffed and nodded, glaring at the floor. Fjord pulled her close and kissed her forehead softly, whispering “Thank you” against her blue skin.   
“So we’re splitting up now?” Beau asked, itching to get moving already.   
“Yes, now we split up.” Fjord affirmed. “But I think Jester should stay with you Beau, Yasha and Caduceus are gonna mask the reliquary and take it somewhere it can be destroyed when we need it done. Jester and Beau will go to find my family and I’ll go with Nott and Caleb to hide the fake reliquary. With those two spreading rumours around me I should be spotted in short order. Then we just need to agree on a meeting spot where we’ll join forces again ready for the final attack.”  
“Awww man I have to miss storming the castle?” Beau groaned.   
Jester’s eyes lit up for a moment, then she grabbed Beau’s wrist and tugged her towards a high bush. “Actually Beau I think I would be ok with Torgan and the others and you should rejoin the others, let me tell you EXACTLY why.”  
“Um… ok?” Looking at the others for answers, Beau allowed herself to be dragged away from the group.”  
Yasha and Caduceus stepped forward. “Are you sure about this Fjord?” The barbarian asked. “It feels almost… wrong to be separating everyone like this.”  
Caduceus nodded. “She’s right, I can’t help but feel this is a mistake in planning.”  
“It might well be, but I also feel like we won’t be able to beat this asshole unless we start preparing to attack his plans on multiple fronts. Trying to fight him head on won’t work while he has whole armies on his side and when we tried being sneaky we were caught in about one second. I feel like this way we have a chance of heading him off at the pass as it were. If I’m the one taking the brunt of his rage rather than everyone else, I can concentrate on doing the hero thing without losing anybody else as well.”  
Caduceus shook his head. “At least wait for the rest of us to join you before you do anything really stupid. We’re getting kind of fond of you and wouldn’t want to tell your parents anything too awful.”   
“I’ll do my best, ok. Now, we need to make sure you and Yasha get to the right kind of temple safely.”  
The firbolg started to say something, but was interrupted by Beau returning to the group. “Ummm, could I just borrow Nott? Jester needs to talk to her.”  
“Is she alright?” Fjord asked.   
“Oh yeah she’s fine… um… but she’s crying and stuff. Pretty emotional, sooooo I kind of need another girl in on this. Sorry Yasha you’re needed here, c’mon Nott.”  
The goblin gave Caleb a look and shrugged as she followed the monk into the bushes.   
“There’s a temple in Silverymoon I’ve been to before.” Caduceus continued. “It’s always been very welcoming to me so I don’t think there’d be any problem enlisting their help.”  
“And I can keep him safe until we get there, not that we’re exactly going to be advertising what have.” Yasha added.   
“Good, I’ll be making most of the noise about the reliquary so I don’t think you’ll be followed.” Fjord said. “Just to be safe though, don’t pull anything out until you’ve reached the temple and told someone you trust just how dangerous it is.”  
“Will do.”  
“Now Caleb, you and Nott will be running essentially in the background with me. I’m gonna pull the ‘headstrong adventurer out on his own’ schtick and make out that I left the rest of you behind to take down this demon. If you guys spread the word among the local underground groups what’s going on the news should travel pretty fast.”  
“I believe Nott knows thieves cant.” Caleb confirmed. “She should have great luck with the local cutpurses and the like and I can pass on news among the street entertainers and the like.”  
“Perfect, now we just have to ensure Jester can reach my family. I have something that could help with that. Is she still behind the bush?”  
As he spoke, Beau emerged from the undergrowth and immediately headed towards the others. “Hey guys, yeah she is in pieces! Just a mess, so there’s no way she’d want anyone looking at her or anything at all. Not for a while anyway. I think Nott found a pet over there too!”  
“A pet?” Caleb asked, brows furrowed. “She has never wanted a pet before.”  
“Yeah it’s wild! She just saw this Scarlet coloured weasel and just, you know, HAD to have it! It’s bonkers! Anyway we’re gonna take off. Bye everyone!”   
“Wait what? Now?”  
“Oh yeah, you know goodbyes are hard so Jester said she doesn’t want to say anything so we’re just gonna head.”  
“Oh come on Beau, we have to say goodbye.”   
Beau humphed and rolled her eyes. “Well I guess if you guys wanna be sappy about it! Come on out Jester! Say goodbye and stuff I guess.”  
The bushes rustled and a moment later Jester stepped stiffly onto the road, face blank as she turned to look at the group.   
“Jester are you… are you sure you’re ready to go?”   
Jester continued to look blank, then grinned and nodded, her jaw moving mechanically as she said “Oh yes, I am ready to go! On my way!”  
Fjord looked at her, puzzled. “Are you doing something with your voice?”  
“It’s the emotion, ok see you got to go bye!” Turning on her heel, Jester started to trudge industriously along the road.   
“God the emotion!” Beau said, clutching her hands to her chest. “I’d better catch her up but… yeah you guys take care and stay in touch!”   
“Wait Beau, you don’t know where you’re going!”   
Jester stopped in place on the road, staring out into the scenery and barely moving. Beau immediately leapt back to the group. “Oh yeah! Forgot, ha! Let me know and I’ll aim her the right way.”  
“Uh… well, you just need to take this compass.” Fjord said, pulling said item from his pocket. “The needle always points towards my dad, if you just go in the direction it says, you should find them pretty soon.”  
“Awesome, ok well. We’re off!” And Beau spun around again, catching quickly up to Jester and even walking past her before realising she was alone and shooing Jester after her.  
As soon as they disappeared around the bend in the road, Nott emerged from the bushes as well, holding a red weasel on her shoulders.   
“Here she is,” Nott said. “My pet, named….. Fluffernutter”  
“Nott?”  
“Yes Fjord?”  
“Did Jester seem… strange to you just now?”  
“No. I mean yes, but she was upset! Very upset, like mind bendingly upset! She was so upset you probably thought she was acting weird which would make sense because…. Um… emotions.”  
Fjord looked to the others and was met only with blank stares and shrugs.  
“Alright well, we’ll just have to get this whole thing resolved as soon as possible so we can get back together again.”  
“Very noble.”  
“Everyone ready?”  
Yasha and Caduceus nodded. “Take care of yourself, no getting killed before we return.” and other platitudes were exchanged before the two groups left in opposite directions. On their way to who knew what was next.


End file.
